Race Around The WWE
by BizGirlCharlie
Summary: Chapter 2 up! WWE meets the Amazing Race. Twenty teams of two battle it out over 21 countries for a prize of a million dollars
1. Chapter 1: The start line

This is me, combining my two favourite shows. Yes, I know someone's done this kind of thing before. That someone is Azrael and I highly recommend you seek out her story and read it because it's a real laugh. From what I can tell, hers was written about a year ago, so we work with different characters and I think approach it differently as well. I try to stick to the formula of The Amazing Race as closely as possible, but although I've watched parts of the last three seasons, I've never seen a first episode, so I might be a little off. Actually, I didn't know of Azrael's story until after I started writing this one, so if there are similarities between it and this first chapter, they're coincidental. I'm not intentionally copying anyone.

Note: You do not need to have seen any of 'The Amazing Race' to see this. I explain things as I go. Oh, and sorry it's so long!

Title: Race Around The WWE

Author: BizGirlCharlie

Rating: PG-13 for language, adult themes but no slash because otherwise Carolyn won't let me post it L

Summary: WWE meets the Amazing Race. Twenty teams of two battle it out over 21 countries for a prize of a million dollars.

Characters: Various WWE superstars, plus The Amazing Race's Phil Keoghan. Chapter 1 features special appearances by two guys by the names of Jason Ward and Chad Kilger. If you know who they are, you'll know where our superstars are headed.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I won't even have a job until next year.

At 7:30 AM on a cool fall morning, eighteen teams of two converged upon Babcock Reserve in Greenwich, Connecticut. Each team had a common goal. Over the following days they would travel right around the world. The first team to cross the finish line would win a million dollars.

"A million dollars," Vince McMahon muttered. "I'm a billionaire. A million dollars is pocket change to me. That man in charge who, I might add, I could buy and sell, mentioned something about abseiling, sky diving and public transportation. I'm Vince McMahon, dammit, and I deserve better than this."

"Sorry, dad," his son and team mate Shane replied, shouldering his backpack. "But you know how business is lately. And it was your bright idea to give Big Show a guaranteed ten year, ten million dollar contract. If we win this race, you won't have to pay his contract this year. It'll be all on The Amazing Race. Now you gotta like that idea."

"I don't have to pay for Show, huh?" Vince mused. "How about Mark Henry?"  
"Well, we could win a later leg of the race and offer him a cruise instead of his salary," Shane suggested.

"Good plan," Vince nodded, slapping Shane on the back. "We'll make a businessman out of you yet. But I hope you don't expect me to carry my own bag."

Over at the start line, Shannon Moore was nervously bouncing up and down, receiving a pep talk from his team mate, and sensei of Mattitude, Matt Hardy.

"Look at all these teams, Shannon," Matt began, sweeping an arm out to indicate the crowd. "Jericho and Christian, Kurt and Benoit, Test and Stacy. . ."

"They're pretty good, Matt," Shannon piped up. "Stacy's real smart. . .ow!" he squealed as Matt slapped him behind the head.

"You got it wrong, Shannon. None of these teams stand a chance against us. We have 'Moore Mattitude' than any of those teams. As a matter of fact, they don't have any Mattitude at all."

"So, you really think we can win?" Shannon frowned, rubbing his head.

"Shannon, I don't just think we'll win. I know we'll win. Never underestimate the power of Mattitude."

"Hey Matt."

Matt turned and his mouth dropped open at the sight of a tall, athletic woman in tiny shorts and a tight, cropped tank.

"L-lita!" he stammered. "Baby, what are you doing here?"  
Lita grinned and elbowed him in the side. "Winning a million dollars."

"But – you can't!" Matt cried. "Me and Shannon are gonna win. We're the only team with enough Mattitude to get this done."

"You trying to say I don't have Mattitude?" Lita challenged. "That's not what you were saying last night."

Matt swallowed. "I know, okay? I'm sorry, baby. You can join in the race. In fact, Shannon, go home. Lita's gonna be my partner."

"Don't worry Matt. I've already got a partner," Lita informed him as another person stepped up.

"Hi Matt. Hi Shannon."

Shannon blushed furiously and lowered his gaze. "Hi Trish."  
"Well," Lita grinned, holding her hand out to a bewildered-looking Matt. "May the best team win."

"You're in big trouble this time," called another female voice, this one full of mocking. "Didn't you read the instructions, Lita? No midriff-baring tops in case we go to a country that might find it offensive, which we will."  
Lita shrugged confidently. "No sweat, Molly. Trish?" she called, pointing around her back.

"My pleasure, partner," Trish replied, reaching in under Lita's backpack and undoing the knot in the tank top, letting it drop down to its full length, now skimming the top of Lita's shorts.

"If we're going to win this thing, we have to be resourceful," Lita announced. "I start with my clothes."

Scowling, Molly turned away and began searching for her partner, Gail Kim. 

By now, all the teams were arguing, some even reverting to physicality. Phil checked his watch, trying to ignore a flirtatious Nidia, who had obviously picked him as the person to assure that she and Jamie Noble would win the million dollars. It was time to begin.

Phil picked up the microphone, hoping the small portable speaker would carry the sound of his voice to the warring wrestlers.

"Ladies, gentlemen and mansters, welcome to the Amazing Race, WWE edition. A hundred yards from here, you'll see a box with red and yellow markings. This contains the first clue for your race around the world. Follow a series of clues to reach a designated pit-stop for each leg of the race. The last team to arrive at each pit stop will be eliminated. Is that understood?"  
There was a murmur of agreement and Phil nodded, holding his hand up for silence again. "Fine. Then take your places at the starting line and when I fire this starting pistol, you can begin. See you at the first pit-stop."

He held the pistol in the air.

"A pistol?" cried a voice. "No, Phil!"

Bang! Seventeen teams sprinted from the line, but Rosey was meandering over to Phil. 

"Guns aren't the answer, Phil."

"Rosey," Phil smiled smugly, despite the size difference between him and the S.H.I.T. "It's a starting pistol. I'm not using it to hurt anyone."

"But it's still a gun and as a certified Super Hero In Training, I'll have to confiscate it," Rosey told him.

"Rosey!" Hurricane shouted. "Come on! We're losing!"

Rosey turned to find that the other teams had almost reached the box. "Okay, I'm coming!"

Lance Storm reached the box first, quickly followed by Rob Van Dam and Chris Jericho and then the rest of the crowd. The teams split up to read the clue.

"_Choose a marked car and drive yourselves to __New York City__, then make your way to Montréal, __Québec__, _Canada___. You will find your next route marker at the 'Musée des maitres et artisans du Québec'."_

"What the heck?" Rob frowned, squinting at the French words. "Mussy dess mattress. . ."

"Don't worry about it," his partner Tommy Dreamer cut in, taking the clue. "We'll figure it out once we get there. "First we have to get ourselves to New York."

"Okay," Rob smiled. "Cool. Um, where are those cars?"

"Over there!" a gleeful Nidia cried before she could stop herself and there was another rush, this time for the cars.

"I'm driving, bitch," Test announced, chortling as he grabbed Rey Mysterio and dragged him from the car, then taking his place in the driver's seat.

Stacy rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say."

The cavalcade left the park, but four cars were left behind, with Hurricane and Rosey claiming one of them as fast as possible.

"Uh, dad, where are we going?" Shane asked, striding out to keep up with his power-walking father. 

"You think I'm driving to New York?" Vince cried. "I've never driven to New York in my life. I left the limo over here. We'll take the private plane and be at La Guardia before the other teams even reach the Bronx."

"Um, I'm pretty sure that's against the rules," Shane announced.

Vince turned to him with a glare. "I'm Vincent Kennedy McMahon. I don't follow rules. I make my own. Now, are we in this race?"  
"Yeah, sure, til we get kicked out for cheating," Shane muttered under his breath.

"Shane?"

"Yeah, let's go."

"Daddy!" cried a voice and Stephanie rushed over to her father. "We missed the start. Hunter had to repack our luggage. Can you believe I can only take one bag? It'll be almost okay. I made Hunter pack more of my things and leave some of his behind. We have to get the clue first, but once we do, can we travel with you? If we have to fly, there's no way I'm travelling coach."

"Uh, sure thing, Stephanie," Vince muttered. "We'll wait right here."

"Thank you, daddy," Stephanie cheered, kissing her father on the cheek. As she drew back, she let out an almighty yell. "Hunter! Move it! We have to get the clue!"

And then Hunter appeared, toting two backpacks. 

Vince waited only until they were out of sight. "Okay, Shane. Let's go."

And the father and son team took off for Vince's limo.

Stephanie took one look at the clue and handed it to Hunter. "Your family's French, what does it say?"  
"It says we have to go to Montreal," Hunter deadpanned.

"Okay, well daddy said he'd take us, so hurry." She ran back to the place she'd left her father, as fast as her two thousand dollar shoes would carry her. "Dad? Daddy? Shane?"

"Give it up, Steph," Hunter called. "They've left us behind. Get in the car, and I'll drive us to New York."

Phil checked his watch again. There was still one team yet to arrive. If they took any longer he'd have to call them a no-show, perhaps causing this first leg to be non-elimination. But just as he'd stepped aside to let the crew pack things up, there was a loud motoring sound and a horn rang out, blaring the tune of La Cucaracha. Eddie Guerrero brought the low rider to a halt right in front of Phil.

"Hey, Phil!" he called, jumping out of the car and hugging the presenter. "How goes it, essa?"

"You're the man, Phil," Chavo added.

"Eddie and Chavo, you're late," Phil told them.

"Yeah, I know, man," Eddie nodded. "Vato, you know how hard it is to get a nice car here in Greenwich, huh? They got limousines, all kinds, but no good low riders, man."

"We got one though," Chavo piped up.

"Yeah, she's nice, huh, Phil?" Eddie asked. 

"The other teams have left," Phil announced. "You're in last place."

"What?" Eddie cried, suddenly furious. "Those other teams, they couldn't even wait for Los Guerreros?"

"The first clue box is over there," Phil said, pointing. "You'd better get moving if you don't want to be eliminated."

"Come on, Chavito!" Eddie ordered. "We gotta get out of here, man!"

And so they ran for the clue.

*     *     *     *

"La Guardia or JFK?" Lita wondered aloud.

"La Guardia's north of JFK, right?" Trish asked her.

"Yeah, I think so," Lita nodded. "So that means La Guardia's closer."

"We'll go to JFK," Trish decided.

"Uh, okay, why?" Lita asked skeptically.

"Well, there are a few teams ahead of us. I can try to catch them, but I don't see us being any faster than fourth or fifth. How many people do you think will be able to squeeze onto a flight to Montreal at the last minute?"  
"So you want to give up on the first plane?" Lita asked her.

"Not necessarily," Trish argued. "Everyone's gonna go to La Guardia. If the first plane leaves out of Kennedy, we could be the only ones on it. That could mean a huge lead for us."

"Okay," Lita nodded. "JFK it is."

*     *     *     *

The WWE company jet touched down at La Guardia airport. Vince and Shane were quick to disembark, moving over to the international terminal like seasoned veterans. 

They only had to wait briefly in line before they reached the bookings desk.

"I need two first class tickets to Montreal, Quebec as soon as possible," Vince told the clerk.

"Uh, dad," Shane called.

"Not now, Shane, let's get this organized and cement our lead."

"Dad, we only have a thousand dollars between us," Shane told him. "We can't afford to fly first class."

Vince froze, turning to his son. "What?"

"We'll have to fly coach," Shane sighed. "Look, I don't like it anymore than you do, but it's one of the major rules of the competition. We can't use our own money to fund the race. Breaking one rule. . .we might get away with it. But breaking this one. . .I just don't think so, dad."

"We have to fly coach," Vince repeated dumbly.

"Yeah. You know," Shane rushed on before Vince could say anything else. "Sometimes you have to spend money to make money. Well this time, we have to not spend money to make money."

"I don't fly coach," Vince replied bluntly.

"Are you going to buy these tickets?" the clerk asked.

"Just a minute," Shane waved her off. "Dad, we don't have a choice here. We can pull out of this race and someone else wins the million dollars. Or we can take our lead, fly coach, get to Montreal ahead of everyone else and completely blow everyone out of the water in the first round."

"Fine," Vince nodded, turning to the girl. "Two coach class tickets to Montreal on the earliest flight you can book."

"Let's see. . .I have a flight at 10:25. . .that's the soonest."

Vince glanced at his watch. "Would another airline have a flight that leaves at about ten?"

"Well, you could try," the clerk told him. "But I don't like your chances."

"Okay," Vince sighed. "Get us on the 10:25."

*     *     *     *

"Well look, Christian, if it isn't the Vinman."

Vince went pale at the sight of the two blonde Canadians. "Christian. . .Jericho. . .how'd you get here so fast?"

"We could ask you the same question, boss," Christian replied, draping himself antagonistically right in the middle of the row of chairs facing Vince and Shane. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you flew."

Vince gave a low laugh. "Well, you know the interstate, if you get a run on, sometimes it does give that impression."

"That's how we got here, too," Jericho nodded. "You know, exceeded the speed limit, hit a couple of kids. It's every team for themselves in this thing."

Vince frowned. "So, the two of you are the only ones here?"  
"Hate to burst your bubble, boss, but Test was right behind us in the line," Christian told him.

"And I'm pretty sure I saw Benoit coming in the entrance," Jericho added.

"Oh, and psycho Victoria was stopped at the metal detectors – I don't even want to know why," Christian shuddered.

"And Mysterio. . ." Jericho began, but Vince cut him off.

"So all those teams have caught up with us. . .but they wouldn't all have made it onto this flight."

Shane glanced around at the group of people waiting to board. "There's no way," he agreed.

"Then gentlemen, we have nothing to worry about," Vince smirked.

The light on the signboard next to their flight flashed to 'boarding'. Vince and Shane collected their things and headed for the plane, followed by Jericho and Christian, Steven Richards and Victoria, Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit, Stacy and Test, and Rey Mysterio and some other guy in a mask they didn't recognize.

The signboard flashed to 'departed' and that was when Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley raced into view.

"Hold the plane!" Bubba boomed. "Hold the plane!"

"Sorry, sir," the petite attendant replied. "You're too late."

"Arrrrgggh!" Bubba cried in frustration. "D-Von, where's the nearest table?"

"Come on, man," D-Von replied. "We've gotta go change our flight. I heard Mysterio saying something about a different airline leaving at around eleven."

"If there's a plane leaving at eleven, we're on it," Bubba announced and he and D-Von raced back through the airport.

*    *    *    *

"Torrie, you brought the wrong Billy!" Nidia cried in surprise.

Torrie smiled back as she and Kidman made their way to the departure gate of the second flight. 

"My other Billy's still injured, so I called on an old friend," she explained.

Nidia turned away to briefly French kiss Jamie before replying. "Well, he's welcome to hang with us. The more the merrier."

Kidman frowned as Nidia winked at him and Jamie gave him the thumbs up. "Should I have gone with Rey?" he whispered to Torrie.  
Torrie's face fell. "You promised!"

"Yeah, I know," Kidman agreed. "So, what, you want us to form some kind of Alliance with these two?"  
"Well, it won't hurt," Torrie replied. "And they're fun."

"Yeah, they look it," Kidman half-joked, watching as Nidia straddled Jamie, her curls flying everywhere.

"Morning, all, glad to see we made it to New York City safe and sound. Rob, I'm surprised to see you here – you've learned to read a map at last. . .or read at all."

"Dude, blow me," Rob retorted. "What are you even doing here, Paul?"

"My, Rob, what an attitude," Paul Heyman smirked. "I'm here to accompany my client, Brock Lesnar, as his partner."

"Didn't he stop being your client like a year ago?" Rob asked. 

"Correct," Paul confirmed. "But now that he's become 'the new Brock Lesnar' he's a more attractive proposition as a client. Plus there's the fact that Vince and Shane are off playing happy families."

"Okay," Rob shrugged, still confused. "So Brock, why'd you choose his fat ass?"  
"It was either him or the Big Show," Brock explained. "Paul's smarter. And he's ruthless. That's what you need to win this race. And I'm gonna win – just like I beat Kurt Angle for the WWE title."

"Whatever, dude. Personally, I would've gone for Show."

"Hey muchachos y muchachas," Eddie Guerrero called. "See Chavo, told you we'd make it, what was I telling you, huh?"

"Guess I owe you five bucks," Chavo replied.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Eddie told him. "Soon as we get to Mexico, you buy me some tequila, man, okay?"  
"We're going to Canada, not Mexico," Chavo reminded him.

"Yeah, now we're going to Canada, but sometime we have to go to Mexico," Eddie explained. "You can't go all the ways around the world without at least stopping in Mexico."  
"What?" yelled a voice.

"I said we found the other teams," another voice shouted back.

"What?"  
"The other teams are here."

"What?"  
"Aw, forget it. This is a nightmare, you know that?" Eric Bischoff sighed, slumping down in the chair next to Brock and looking over at where Hurricane was giving Rosey further instructions. "All you people actually got a choice in this. If I don't take part, I get fired. In fact, I get fired if Steve and I come last in this first leg of the race. I think Vince only made us do this for his own sick amusement."

"What?" Austin shouted again.

Eric just groaned and slumped even further, but luckily he didn't have to wait long as the plane began to board.

"Stephanie, move your ass!"  
"I'm trying!" Stephanie grunted, struggling with the backpack that Hunter had made her carry. "If I didn't have to carry this bag. . ."

"If you don't get moving, we'll miss the flight and get eliminated and then you won't have to carry the bag anymore," Hunter told her. "Of course, we'll be down a million bucks."

"Okay," Stephanie replied forcefully. "You go and make them wait. I'm coming as fast as I can."

Hunter sprinted to the gate. "Hold the plane, we're supposed to be on that."

"We're about to close," the attendant warned him.

"I know – just. . .ten seconds."

"I'm coming, Hunter!" Stephanie screeched.

Hunter shuddered and handed over his boarding pass, just as Stephanie came to a stop beside him. "Damn, Steph, that bag couldn't weigh more than ten pounds. Your purse weighs less than that."

"Well, I'm not used to carrying things on my back," Stephanie rationalized, following him down the walkway to the plane and becoming the tenth team to board that flight – after Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman, Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley, Rob Van Dam and Tommy Dreamer, Torrie Wilson and Billy Kidman, Nidia and Jamie Noble, Faarooq and Bradshaw, Steve Austin and Eric Bischoff, Hurricane and Rosey, and Eddie and Chavo Guerrero. 

*     *     *     *

The third plane departed JFK at 11:45 AM, carrying the remaining four teams – Lita and Trish, Gail Kim and Molly Holly, Lance Storm and Dawn Marie, and Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore. Just five minutes later, the first plane touched down at Montreal's Dorval Airport. Rey Mysterio and his partner somehow managed to beat the other teams through customs and out-sprint them to the waiting row of taxis. 

"Hey man, you speak English?" Rey asked, climbing in the back.

"Yes, and French," the driver confirmed.

"Okay, good," Rey nodded, holding out the clue and pointing to the name of their destination. "Take us here, as fast as you can go, please."

"Okay, I will get you there," the driver told them.

Rey settled back in his seat, grinning over at his partner. "Man, this is gonna go so great. You're the last person anyone's gonna expect me to have for my team mate."

His partner just nodded and held up his hand.

"The Musée des maitres et artisans du Québec," Benoit recited in perfectly accented French as he and Kurt climbed into the second cab.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're French Canadian," Kurt remembered once the driver told them he knew their destination. "What's that mean anyway?"  
"It's an art museum," Benoit told him. 

"Oh, right," Kurt nodded. "Art museum. Wow. I'm in Canada and I'm going to an art museum. Whoo!"

Benoit just rolled his eyes. 

"Follow that cab!" Vince ordered and the third cab roared off into the streets. 

"Who's that?" Shane asked just minutes later. "Oh, it's Jericho and Christian."

"Step on it, driver," Vince ordered. "If you expect a tip you will not let that other cab overtake us."

Rey and his partner were the first to reach the art museum and there, at the entrance, was the route marker box. They paid their driver and sprinted over to it, removing their clue just as Kurt and Benoit's cab pulled up. 

"_Detour. Flies or Fly. In a detour, teams have a choice of two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In "flies", teams must make their way to the __Montreal__ Insectarium and participate in an insect tasting. Once they have each tasted all of the insects on offer, they will be given their next clue. The task will not require athletic ability, but it will require a strong stomach. In "fly", teams must travel to the headquarters of Cirque du Soleil and participate in a simple trapeze catch. Once both members have successfully caught the trapeze, they will be given their next clue. The stunt is quick to learn and basic to perform, but will require athletic ability."_

"Let's fly?" Rey asked.

His partner nodded and they sprinted back to their cab. 

"We're built for strength, not agility," Benoit said to Kurt. "Let's go for the bugs."

"Whoa," Kurt stopped him. "Bugs? I'm not eating any bugs, Benoit. No freaking way."

"Well, we're not gonna beat Mysterio at the circus thing," Benoit pointed out. 

"But we might beat his partner." Kurt argued. "Who is that guy, anyway?"  
"Bye-bye, assclowns!" Chris Jericho cried as he and Christian raced past, having collected their clue. "See you at the circus."

Benoit scowled, glaring at Kurt. "We're eating the bugs."

"Okay, fine," Kurt relented. "We'll eat the bugs."

"Kurt!" shouted a breathless Vince McMahon. "Is that the way to the clue?"

"Uh, no," Kurt replied quickly. "Two doors down, just knock, they give you the clue."

"Thank you, Kurt," Vince said. "I knew I could count on you."

"Good luck, Mr McMahon," Kurt called, following Benoit to the cab. "Now let's get the heck out of here."

Just as their cab left, Victoria and Steven's arrived. 

"Come on, Stevie," Victoria insisted, clinging tightly to Steven's arm. "A million dollars is a lot of chickens."

"Okay, baby doll," Steven replied dotingly. "First we get the clue. . .and then. . .then the chickens!"  
"What's it say, baby?" Victoria asked as Steven pulled the clue envelope from the box and opened it up. 

A psychotic grin lit up Steven's face as he read. "Oh Vic, remember that fetish we talked about?"

"The one where you wear a diaper and call me momma?" Victoria guessed.

"No, try again."

"Bugs?" Victoria frowned, her eyes opening in wonder as Steven nodded. "Stevie, we get to eat bugs!"

"I know, honey bunch. This is the greatest day of our lives. Now come, the bugs are waiting."

They couldn't get to the cab fast enough.

"Ha, freaks," Test muttered, slamming the door of his cab. 

"Um, Test, those 'freaks' are beating us," Stacy pointed out.

Test gave her a withering look. "Those psychos can beat whatever they want. You get your ass up there and grab that clue."

"Fine, but the rules say you have to get to the clue, too."

"Oh, I'll get to something," Test muttered, striding out next to Stacy and giving her a slap on the ass just as she reached the box.

"Ugh, stop it!" Stacy squealed. "I'll take the clue, since you can't read."

"Like you were an honors student," Test replied as Stacy began reciting the clue, glaring at him over the top.

"I am not eating bugs," she stated emphatically.

"Well, you're not athletic enough for the circus," Test countered.

Stacy shook her head. "I was a cheerleader," she reminded him pointedly. "If anyone's not coordinated, it's you."

"I bet I pass the task before you do," Test challenged. "And if I do, you have to kiss me."

"Fine, whatever," Stacy sighed. "And if you don't, you have to not speak until we reach the pit-stop."

"That's cool with me," Test told her as they reached their cab. "But Stace, I never said *where* you have to kiss me."

Slam! The door of the cab shut and they were gone.

"Dammit, Shane! Why'd you listen to that traitor Angle?" Vince snapped as he and his son ran back into view.

"Actually, dad, I think that was you."

"Well, wake up, Shane. The clue box is over there."

"I got it." Shane sprinted to the box and took out his clue, quickly opening it. "Uh oh." He recited it t his father. "Well, I'm cool with the circus thing. . ."

"Well, I'm not," Vince snapped. "Let's go eat the insects. Earning my first million was harder than that."

"I'd really rather learn the trapeze. . ."

"Get in the cab, Shane. My decision is final."

*     *     *     *

"This is it!" Rey cried and the cab stopped outside a building. "Can you wait for us again, man? Here's the money so far."

"Yes, I can wait," the driver told him so Rey and his partner left their cab and headed into the building, the Montreal headquarters of Cirque du Soleil. Beyond the entrance it was inauspicious, just a warehouse with a high ceiling. Two men in spandex costumes were waiting for them.

"Welcome to Cirque du Soleil," one said. "We're going to teach you how to move from one trapeze to another. You won't be able to use a harness, but there will be a net to catch you if you fall, so you won't be hurt. Please watch as we demonstrate."

There were two tall ladders, one at each side of the room and the two men began to climb, one per ladder.

"Please watch me," the one who'd spoken before went on. "What you must do is to hang upside down, with your legs over the bar. When it's your turn, I will wait for you to be ready, then I will push you. Then Lazar will push the other trapeze. As soon as you see it, you must reach, catch it and swing back. Then you can drop to the net. Observe."

He pulled a chain to release the trapeze, then climbed upside down, using his own momentum to start swinging. Rey and his partner watched in awe as Lazar released his trapeze and the other acrobat simply grabbed it, swung down, then changed his grip and landed on the second platform.

"It's not as hard as it looks," he assured them.

"Whoa," Rey muttered. "Maybe we should have gone for the bugs."  
"No way," his partner replied quietly. "We can do it."

"You think?" Rey frowned. "Well you go first."

"Okay." Rey's masked partner headed up the ladder, just as the first acrobat swung himself back over. The acrobat repeated his instructions, and then it was time to begin. Rey's partner swung out, reached and grabbed the trapeze first time before dropping to the net below.

"Yeah!" Rey punched the air. "You did it!"  
His partner just smiled. "See? I knew it'd be easy. They wouldn't make us do anything impossible."

"Nothing's impossible, I guess," Rey agreed. Still, he crossed himself before he began to climb. Once he got to the top, he focused on the task ahead of him.

"You'll choke, Mysterio!" cried a voice down below. 

"Yeah, you'll so achieve chokage," another voice agreed.

Then there was the sound of coughing.

"Oh, what's that I hear?" the first voice asked. "It's little Rey, choking to death."

Rey's face hardened beneath the mask. "I'm ready," he announced. He knew from watching that he'd have to start swinging his body as soon as he was pushed, so that was what he did. The instant the other trapeze came into view, he uncoiled his legs and reached. The bar hit his hands, he closed his palm and he was free. He'd succeeded. Excitedly, he let go of the trapeze and did a somersault down to the net.

"Congratulations," the first acrobat told him. "Your clue is on the wall where you entered. Good luck."

"What?" Christian cried. "The little freak did it?"

"Sure did," Rey's partner grinned, handing Rey his backpack so they could make the dash for the clue. "See you at the pit-stop!"

"Hey, I know that voice," Christian mused. "C-man, you know who that other masked freak is?"  
But the cameras had followed Rey's team to the clue.

Rey's partner opened it and began to read.

"_Montreal__ is famous for its annual comedy festival. Make your way to the home of comedy in __Montreal__, the __Humour__Museum__, and look for your next route marker."_

"Go, go," Rey said and they ran for their cab again.

*     *     *     *

"I'm not eating that," Kurt stated emphatically. 

"Yes, you are," Benoit replied, just s forcefully.

"Well. . .I'd like to see you do it," Kurt staled.

"I'm gonna do it," Benoit snapped.

"Well fine, do it then."

"I will."  
"Good, then do it."

Benoit lunged for the plate in front of him, which was metaphorically crawling with insects. One by one he shoved them into his mouth until they were all gone.

"There."

Kurt stared at him in disgust. "You're Hannibal Lecter!"

"Eat the damn bugs!" Benoit snapped. "The longer you stand here complaining like a little girl, the further behind we're getting. I'm not losing this race because you couldn't do what that seven-year-old kid over there did and eat the bugs."

"Okay, okay," Kurt muttered, reaching for the plate.

One bug went into his mouth and he cringed dramatically before his face relaxed. "Hey, these aren't so bad."

He ate the rest quickly, then took the next clue from the person who'd been holding the plate.

"We have to go to the humour museum," he announced as he and Benoit started running. "Hey Benoit, why didn't you tell me they tasted like chicken?"

Benoit just shook his head.

*     *     *     *

Back at Cirque du Soleil, the trapeze slipped from Jericho's hands and he went crashing into the net.

"You suck, Jericho," Christian laughed, heading to the ladder for his turn as the acrobats used long poles to retrieve the trapezes. "Check this out. I am king of ladders."

"Then why'd you lose your IC title to RVD in a ladder match?" Jericho countered, climbing down from the net.

"Shut up," Christian snapped. He reached the top and followed the first acrobat's instructions for getting onto the trapeze.

"Let her rip, buddy," he called and he was flying through the air. He lunged for the second trapeze, uncoiling his legs, but grabbed only air and then he was falling.

"Ha!" Jericho laughed as Christian hit the net. "Who sucks now, junior?"  
"If you hadn't mentioned that RVD thing, I would've made it," Christian argued. "And anyway, you didn't do any better."

"Yeah, well I will this time," Jericho told him. "Nothing – not man, machine or trapeze – gets the best of Chris Jericho for long."

"Hey losers!" called a voice and the two of them turned to find that Test and Stacy were running for the ladder. As they reached it, Test shoved Stacy to the floor and began to climb.

"Remember, Stace, if I make this before you, you'll be kissing any part of my body I want you to."

A disgusted Stacy picked herself up. "You think it's wrong of me to want my team mate to fail?" she asked the cameras.

"Hey CJ, I just thought of something," Christian announced loudly, despite the fact that Jericho was right next to him. "Test rhymes with breast. The guy's a gigantic hooter!"  
"Yeah, breast, or messed. . .which fits, since he's gonna make an absolute mess of this stunt," Jericho agreed.

"Go. . .Breast. . .go! And miss!" Christian cried as Test reached for the trapeze. Sure enough, he didn't manage to catch it and fell to the net.

Stacy only allowed herself a little smirk before she started to climb.

"Okay, Stace," she muttered. "You can do this. It's not even about the money – it's about beating Test."

She listened carefully to the acrobat's instructions and climbed onto the trapeze. She could do this – she was a cheerleader.

"Go," she called and the trapeze began to swing. She kept her muscles relaxed but ready for movement and the instant she spotted the trapeze everything began to happen. Before she knew it, the bar was in her hands. She let out an excited cry as she dropped to the net.

"That's for everyone who says I'm not an athlete!" she cheered, before turning to her partner. "And it also means you have to shut up."

"Tough call, dude," Christian said sympathetically as Jericho began to climb for his second attempt. Jericho succeeded on his second try, but Christian didn't and neither did Test. With the knowledge that another team could arrive at any moment, the pressure was on. They had to make the catch – for the sake of their teams – for the sake of the million dollars.

*     *     *     *

The first thing of note that greeted Vince and Shane when they reached the Insectarium was the sight of Victoria and Steven happily feeding each other bugs.

"These are good, huh, Stevie?" Victoria asked.

"Yeah, I wonder if they'll let us take some. . .for later."

Vince and Shane exchanged glances.

"I'm not feeding them to you," Shane announced.

"Don't be a moron," Vince snapped as a girl approached them with a plate. They began to eat, much slower than the rival team.

*     *     *    *

The second plane arrived at Dorval Airport around the same time as Rey's team reached the route marker, with Kurt and Benoit, out of sight, but just minutes behind. 

"There's the clue!" Rey announced. They ran to it and his partner removed the next clue.

"_Find the home base for Canadiens everywhere_."

"They misspelled 'Canadians'," Rey frowned.

"Do you think it means the hockey team?" his partner asked.

"Maybe," Rey shrugged. "Where do we have shows when we're in Montreal? That's at a hockey stadium, right?"

"I don't remember. Maybe we should ask the cab driver."

They ran back to their cab.

"Hey man, where does the hockey team play?" Rey asked.

"You mean the Canadiens?" the driver asked. "The Bell Centre."

"Cool," Rey smiled. "Get us there, please."

"Hey Rey," his partner called. "That cab over there. Is that Benoit and Kurt?"  
"Oh yeah," Rey noticed as their cabs passed one another. "Hey, can you make sure you go fast?" he asked the driver. "There's another cab right on our tail."

"You want Jacques Villeneuve?" the driver questions. "I can be Jacques Villeneuve." And then he gunned it.

*     *     *     *

"Find the home base for Canadiens everywhere," Kurt read out loud.

"Montreal Canadiens," Benoit mused. "Bell Centre."  
"Okay," Kurt nodded. "Let's go get us some ice."

*     *     *     *

"Yes!" Jericho cried as Christian caught the trapeze. "Nothing can hold down the King of Bling-Bling. Not even you, CLB."

"What did you just call me?" Christian snapped.

"Ha ha, nothing," Jericho replied with a nervous laugh. "Let's just read this thing. Humour museum."

"You won't find two guys more humorous than us," Christian pointed out.

"And you know what else is funny?" Jericho went on. "Tit and Ass over there can't even catch a cold."

"Yeah, they're not acrobats," Christian agreed. "They're just a couple of circus clowns."

"A couple of assclowns," Jericho smirked. "Bye-bye, jackasses!"  
They ran from the building to find Eddie and Chavo just exiting a taxi. 

"Hey!" Eddie greeted them. "Que pasa, essas?"

"Yeah, fine," Christian muttered, suddenly irritable again. "How'd they catch us?"

"Beats me," Jericho shrugged, before stopping. "Christian. Where's our cab?"

But Christian just brushed it off. "Don't worry about it. We'll just take la casa Guerrero. If they can lie, cheat and steal, then so can we."

"Good plan," Jericho agreed and they made a run for it. "But doesn't 'casa' mean house?"

*     *     *     *

His face firmly scrunched up, Vince slowly put the last bugs in his mouth and swallowed as though he'd just ingested his last meal.

"All done," he announced weakly, letting Shane collect and read the clue. "No more bugs?"  
"No. Back in the cab and to the Humour Museum."

That made Vince brighten just a little. "Alright. Let's go, shall we?"  
They began to run back through the Botanic Gardens to where they'd left the cab.

"Holy shit!" Shane cried suddenly.

Coming towards them were six teams, all in a dash for the Insectarium.

Vince was a little more relaxed. "Hello there, Eric," he called. "How are you enjoying the race?"  
"Boss," Bischoff began. "Bite me."

"Enjoy your insects, everyone," Vince smiled as the last of the group, Bubba Dudley, ran past. But just then, he spotted another team.

"I'm not speaking to you, daddy!" Stephanie shouted. "This is all your fault!"  
Vince just glanced at Shane as they continued running. "I ask you this. Who needs a humour museum when those Amazing Race cameras will be able to film my daughter eating bugs. I can't wait to see the look on her face."

*     *     *     *

"Come on, Uncle Eddie!" Chavo shouted. "It's all Lucha libre!"  
Eddie made it to the platform, threw his hands in the air and screamed. "Viva la Razza!"

And then he climbed onto the trapeze, was pushed and made the catch first time.

"Yeah!" Chavo cheered. "Way to go, Latino Heat!"

"See?" Stacy asked, smirking at Test. "Even he can do it."

Test began to open his mouth to argue, but Stacy held up her hand. "Not so fast. Not talking, remember? Now get up there and actually do it right this time."

But Test still had to wait. It was Chavo's turn.

Eddie cheered him on in rambling Spanish and sure enough, he caught the trapeze.

Test rolled his eyes and turned towards the door, only to find that another team had arrived. That was when he broke his code of silence.

"You gotta be kidding me. How the hell do you think your fat ass is gonna catch the trapeze?"

Hurricane looked at Rosey and then back at Test.

"Quite easily. You see, Test, by underestimating us, you've forgotten something important."

"Yeah?" Test asked mockingly. "And what's that?"  
Hurricane smiled right back at him. "We're superheroes. . . .beeatch!!!"

Test could only laugh. "Hey Stace, I'm letting this fat piece of shit go before me. This I gotta see."

*    *     *     *

Team Mysterio's cab driver had sped through traffic to arrive at the Bell Centre. Now they just had to find the route marker.

"There it is!" Rey cried.

The cab pulled to a stop and Rey and his partner ran for their next clue.

Rey opened it and began to read.

"It's a roadblock. The person who completes this task will need to be able to keep their balance on a slippery surface. _A roadblock is a task that can only be completed by one person. In this roadblock, the designated team member must suit up in the _Montreal___ Canadiens' locker room, then take to the ice and meet with Canadiens winger Jason Ward, who will act as goaltender. On the ice will be five pucks. Shoot them all at the goalie. If any of the pucks scores a goal you will receive your next clue. But if you fail to score you must start again, bearing in mind that only one person can take to the ice at any one time. Wow." Rey glanced at his partner. "You played much hockey, man?"  
"Nope. You?"  
"No." Rey shook his head. "And Kurt and Benoit might be right on our tail. Who's gonna do this?"  
"Your balance is probably better than mine. Maybe you should."_

Rey nodded slowly. "Okay. But face it, man. We're probably gonna lose our lead. Kurt and Chris were right behind us. I bet they've both played some hockey in their time."

"So you go in there and score a goal before they even show up. We're gonna win this leg, Rey. I can feel it."

*     *     *    *

"Come on, baby," Jamie Noble cheered. "It's just like that time we had to live off anything we could catch. You remember that?"  
"I got it, Jamie," Nidia replied. "Nothing's gonna get in my way." She received her plate of bugs and started tucking in.

Stephanie was somewhat less enthusiastic. She held up her first bug, her nose wrinkling in disgust. "Hunter, I'd really rather we did the circus one."

"Just eat it, Steph," Triple H snapped.

"You know what this needs?" Bradshaw asked between bites.

"What's that?" Faarooq prompted.

"A nice cold beer to wash it all down."

"Damn. You're right."

Tommy Dreamer had already finished his plate and was eyeing off his partner's. "You done with that, Rob?"

"Nah, I got it, man," Rob told him, polishing off his own allocation. "I still say the circus one would've been pretty cool."

"You can choose next time," Tommy offered. "Right now we've gotta move on to the next clue."

By now they'd left the Insectarium behind anf could read their clue without being overheard.

"Humour Museum," Rob read. "Cool idea."

"Come on, girl!" Jamie cried, pulling Nidia along. "You see Dreamer and Van Dam over there?"  
"Hi boys," Nidia called cheerfully as they drew level. "You wanna share a cab to the next clue?"  
Rob frowned as she stared at them, licking her lips. "Yeah, sure. But you can sit by Dreamer."

Jamie slapped Nidia on the rear again. "You heard the man. Go git him!"  
Tommy sighed and whispered to Rob. "You know I'll eat just about anything. But there's no way I'm eating that."

*     *    *     *

"Remember, Rosevelt," Hurricane called up to his sidekick. "Concentrate on your superpowers and you will succeed. But just in cade, I'll concentrate too. With my Hurri-powers and your powerful S.H.I.T, we will make you fly."

"Can you believe these dorks?" Test muttered to Stacy, but she just glared at him.

"Aren't you supposed to be shutting up?"

Test scowled back. "Bitch, I'll shut up when I wanna shut up. But now I wanna see living proof that whales can't fly."

"Fly, Rosevelt!" Hurricane cheered. "Fly!"  
Things weren't comfortable for Rosey as he hung upside down, but sometimes superheroes had to be able to get out of sticky situations.

"Okay," he said and he sailed rapidly through the air, yelling at the top of his lungs.

"I'm gonna. . ."

". . .Fly!" he screamed, grabbing hold of the second trapeze and feeling his momentum shift again. He didn't let go until he was told he could, then he dropped to the net, a grin on his face.

"You did it, Rosevelt!" Hurricane cried. "You flew!"  
Test was absolutely livid. "Where's that damn trapeze?"

"Wow," called a voice. "I don't believe I just saw that."

"Hi Stace," Torrie Wilson greeted her as she entered with an awestruck Billy Kidman. "Is this hard?"  
"Well, I've done it," Stacy replied. "But I've been here for like half an hour waiting for Test."

Once again Test came crashing down before their eyes.

"I think I need some chalk on my hands or something," he scowled, before spotting the newcomers. "Hello, Torrie."

Torrie forced a smile. "Hi."

"Come on, Hurricane!" Rosey boomed.

Hurricane moved on the trapeze like a pro, but at the critical moment he slipped and fell to the net.

"I don't understand it," he frowned, picking himself up. "I must have burnt out my Hurri-powers helping you, Rosevelt. Wassup wit' dat?"  
"Well, I guess it's my turn," Kidman announced. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck, Billy!" Torrie cheered.

Just then a heavy arm landed on her shoulder. "So Torrie, whattaya say we get together at the pit-stop, share a little strategy for the race?"  
"Um, no thanks," Torrie frowned, shrugging Test off.

"Oh, come on, Torrie. I know you watch Raw each week just to see me. Face it. Looking at me makes you wet. . ."

Slap! Torrie's hand crashed into Test's face. And that was when Kidman caught the trapeze.

*     *     *     *

When the third plane finally touched down with the last of the teams, Rey had just stepped out onto the ice. As soon as he moved away from the wall he was startled by the smooth feeling of skating, but he held himself in check and remained upright. Jason Ward was standing next to a row of pucks so Rey began to skate over to him, soon getting the hang of propelling himself forward. But it was only when he'd almost made it that he realized he didn't know how to stop. He tried to spin quickly, but lost his balance and fell flat on his backside, sending his hockey stick flying. Before he managed to pick himself up, he noticed his stick hanging down in his face.

"Never skated?" Jason guessed, helping Rey to his feet.

"I've lived in Mexico and San Diego. I don't do ice," Rey replied.

Jason chuckled. "Okay, well since there's no one else here, I'll give you a quick lesson and make sure you can stay on your feet."

"Sounds good to me," a relieved Rey told him. "Because I think there's a Canadian and a Pennsylvanian right on my tail."  
  


*     *     *     *

"Come on, Brock, we're losing!" Heyman boomed from fifteen feet behind his partner.

"Then keep up," Brock called over his shoulder. "If you'd run we wouldn't be so far behind."

"I can't run too much," Heyman spluttered. "I have asthma."

"You don't have asthma. You're just fat," Brock argued as he finally reached the Insectarium. Once inside he found that the other teams from his plane had already left.

"Either they all went to the circus, or we're in deep shit," he muttered.

"I. . ." Heyman gasped, stumbling into the building. "I made it, Brock."  
"Good. Now do what you do best. Eat."

They were each given  plate of insects and Brock immediately started eating. Heyman looked at the plate, then at Brock, then back again.

"I don't know if I can eat this," he announced. "If there's one thing I hate, it's bad food."

Brock stared at him incredulously. "You eat McDonald's three or four times a day and you're calling this bad food?"  
"I'm not even gonna answer that, Brock," Paul told him, still cringing at the plate in front of him.

He didn't know that a taxi containing Lance Storm and Dawn Marie had just pulled up at the Botanic Gardens.

*     *     *     *

"There, you got it," Jason announced, watching as Rey skated semi-confidently back and forward before coming to a stop. "Think you're ready to take a shot?"

"Well, not really, but I better, huh?" Rey asked, looping unsteadily around to the pucks.

"Well, if it helps, I'm not much of a goalie," Jason told him, heading into the goals. "And remember, you only have to get one in."

"Okay," Rey murmured to himself. "One in. How hard can that be?"

He looked over at the goals, then down at the pucks and began to shoot, one after the other. Wham-wham-wham-wham-wham. Each shot missed completely or was deflected by Jason, spinning away from the goals. 

"No good!" he called, but just then there was the sound of a slow, sarcastic clap. Accompanied by his partner, Chris Benoit had arrived, kitted up and ready to play.

"Off the ice, Mysterio," he ordered, skating easily to the mark as Jason collectged the pucks and lined them up again. "Let a Canadian show you how it's done. Ready, goalie?"

Jason nodded.

Wham-wham-wham-wham-wham. Each shot was dead on target. Shots one and two hit Jason and spun away, but shot three flew between his legs and into the goal.

"Congratulations," called a voice and another hockey player skated onto the ice – the Habs' injured centre, Chad Kilger. He handed the yellow envelope to Benoit, who nodded at him, then speed skated back to Kurt to read the next clue.

"_Travel by foot to the base of __Mount Royal__Park__ and search for the next route marker."_

"Where the heck's Mount Royal Park?" Kurt frowned.

"Kilger," Benoit called, before continuing in French, figuring that Team Mysterio wouldn't be able to understand. "Where is Mount Royal Park?"

"North west from here," Kilger replied. "You can't miss it."  
"Thanks," Benoit called, before turning to Kurt. "I'll go get changed and meet you out front."

*     *     *     *

"Damn this circus crap!" a frustrated Test shouted after he fell to the net again. 

Hurricane and Rosey had gone; so had Torrie and Kidman. But still Test couldn't make the catch. 

Stacy was standing on the second platform, talking animatedly with acrobat number two.

"Son of a bitch," Test muttered. "Could you not be such a slut, Stacy?"  
Stacy just smiled down at him. "Sorry, what was that?"

"Forget it," Test sighed, starting to climb the ladder again.

But things were about to go from bad to worse. Three more teams arrived all at once – Matt and Shannon, Lita and Trish, and Molly and Gail.

*     *     *     *

"Come on, Rey," the luchador said to himself. "Just hit the puck in the net. Right in the net."

He took a deep breath and began to shoot. Wham-wham-wham-wham-wham. Shot one ricocheted from Jason's right leg; shot two from his glove. Shot three missed completely and shot four hit Jason's pads again. Shot five hit the side of the goal – and then it went in.

"Way to go, Rey!" his partner called from the sidelines as Chad Kilger skated out with their next clue.

Having read it, Rey headed towards the locker room while his partner went outside, hoping to flag down someone who could show them the way to Mount Royal Park.

There was no one around, but just then a cab pulled up so he slunk back into the shadows to watch.

"There's the route marker!" Christian announced and he and Jericho ran to it, then removed their clue.

"A hockey roadblock?" Jericho mused. "Tremendous. I'm in."

"Well, I can play hockey, too," Christian told him.

"But you're not as good as me," Jericho argued.

"How do you know?" Christian challenged. "Have you ever seen me play?"  
"I don't need to. There's absolutely no chance that you're a better hockey player than I am," Jericho told him. "After all, I have been asked to skate in charity games every year. . .not that I ever give to charity."

"But have you ever scored a goal?" Christian asked.

"Okay, okay, let's flip for it," Jericho suggested, pulling a coin from his pocket. "You call."  
"Tails," Christian said as the coin travelled up. 

Jericho caught it and flattened it on his arm. He slowly took a peek, then looked up at Christian with mock sympathy. "Sorry, junior. You lose."

"What?" Christian snapped. "Give me a look at that."

"Uh, the coin doesn't lie," Jericho stated, running into the building and making a beeline for the locker rooms.

"No, but you do. Come on, Chris. At least tell the truth."

*     *     *     *

"Shouldn't we have seen it by now?" Kurt asked, his feet rapidly pounding the pavement.

"You saying I'm wrong?" Benoit challenged. 

"I'm saying that hockey player lied to you," Kurt replied. "You can't trust a Canadian, and a French Canadian's even worse."

"Where the hell do you think the name Benoit's from?" Benoit snapped.

Kurt ignored him and kept on running until they reached the next intersection.

"I still can't see it, Chris," he called, looking in all four directions. "I say we go back."

"No," Benoit insisted. "Kilger said."

"Kilger said, Kigler said," Kurt mimicked. "Guess what, Benoit? Either Kilger screwed up or you did, but this is not the right way."

"It was your idea to take off without looking," Benoit accused. "Mysterio was dead on the ice. If you'd stopped to think about it. . ."

"Well, I've stopped now, Benoit," Kurt told him. "We're not going anywhere."

A frustrated Benoit just shook his head and ignored his partner. The lights changed and he stood ready, intercepting the first person who approached. "Excuse me, how do you get to Mount Royal Park?"  
"Down this road until you reach Sherbrooke," the guy replied, pointing. "Take a right, then a left onto Peel. It should be right in front of you."

"Thank you," Benoit said, turning back to Kurt. "We came the wrong way."

"And whose fault's that, Benoit?" Kurt challenged.

"If you'd started running in the right direction," Benoit began, before Kurt cut him off.

"Well, you didn't ask Kilger the exact way," Kurt pointed out. "So you're to blame."

"Kurt. . ."

"No, you're to blame."

"Kurt. . ."

"I'm not listening, Benoit."

"Kurt!" Benoit shouted.

Kurt frowned. "What?"  
"Shut your damn mouth and start running."

*     *     *     *

"I can't believe I have to wear this travesty of an outfit," Jericho muttered, staring at his Montreal Canadiens jersey in the mirror. "This doesn't just degrade the sport of hockey, it degrades Chris Jericho. What?" he snapped, turning around to glare at Steven Richards, who'd just arrived and had been watching him in the mirror. 

Steven grinned psychotically and held out his hand. "Would you like a bug? I took some extra because some people missed out."

"Get out my damn way, assclown," Jericho snapped, shoving Steven and causing him to drop the bug.

Steven let out a cry and dropped to his hands and knees, searching frantically for the missing insect. "What's Vic gonna say when she finds out I wasted one?"

"Wasted, yeah, that's what you are," Jericho scoffed, grabbing his allocated hockey stick and leaving the room. "Time to kick the living hell out of a goalie."

*     *     *     *

"I see it!" Rey announced, pointing as he and his partner caught their breath at the final intersection. "Over the road there!"  
They raced to the route marker and took out their clue. 

"_Take a bike each and cycle up the path to the Chalet at the top of __Mount Royal__, the first pit stop in your race around the world. Warning, the last team to arrive will be eliminated."_

"Bikes, bikes," Rey mused, searching.

"Here!" his partner called, pointing to a row of bike racks.

"These are the first bikes to go," Rey noted as they each grabbed one. "We must be first. Chris and Kurt had at least five minutes on us, so what happened to them?"

"I dunno, man," his partner replied as he began to pedal. "But they can't be far behind, and neither can Jericho and Christian."

"Let's ride," Rey smiled. "We'll win this thing yet."

*     *     *     *

A dejected Test hung upside down for what seemed to be the millionth time. The other teams were all gone – Lita and Trish first, then Matt and Shannon and finally Gail and Molly. Yet he still couldn't seem to make the catch.

"Concentrate," the acrobat at his end told him (the other one was still flirting with Stacy). 

"Whatever," he sighed. "Go."

This time, he closed his eyes. He knew exactly how long he had – he'd done it often enough. When it felt right, he reached and uncoiled himself. The second trapeze hit his open palms and he grabbed casually, knowing there wasn't a chance he'd make it. But he was wrong. The bar stuck in his hands. He'd done it at last.

"Yeah!" he roared obnoxiously, dropping to the net, then leaping up and punching the air. "Take that, Stacy!"

Stacy looked down irritably. "Oh, you finally made it."

"You bet your fine ass I did. Speaking of your ass, get it down here. We have a race to win."

"A race to lose, more like it," Stacy muttered, starting to climb down. "Bye, Lazar. Next time I'm in Montreal I'll look you up."

As soon as her feet touched the ground, Test grabbed her arm and marched her over to the clue box.

"You're my property and when I tell you to move your ass, you do it."

"Fine," Stacy hissed, snatching the clue from his hands. "Let's just go."

*     *     *     *

"Sorry," Jason called. "Try again."

"Dammit Shane!" Vince shouted from the sidelines. "Concentrate on those goals. I do not accept failure!"

"Let's go, Uncle Eddie!" Chavo called.

Next to him, Nidia was sitting on Tommy Dreamer's lap. "So I heard once we get to the pit-stop we get to stay at a really nice hotel. You know, we should ask for two beds so our teams can share. Two beds, or one really big one. We could have a lot of fun in twelve hours."

"What about Jamie?" Tommy asked weakly as Nidia ran her hands up and down his chest.

"Jamie's fine. In fact, he might even join in. Sounds pretty hot, doesn't it? You, me, Jamie, Rob, all in one bed, all nice and cosy. Maybe you can show me why they call you the Innovator of Violence. I made Jamie bring all his toys and if you're a good boy, I'll let you do whatever you want. Sound good, Tommy?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," Tommy replied, hoping she'd get off him soon, but he could say no more as Nidia planted her lips on his. 

"Hey Dreamer!" Rob's voice called suddenly. "Nidia's cute and all, but I just got a goal, so we gotta go!"

Tommy practically threw Nidia from his lap, relieved to be free at last. "Thanks Rob. You don't know how glad I am to hear that."

"Oh, Tommy?" Nidia called after him. "Rob scored just now, but stick with me and I'll make sure you score later. Bye bye." She blew him a kiss and turned around to look for Jamie. "That's my man! Go, baby!"  
"Let's get the hell out of here!" Tommy ordered, leaving Nidia, Vince, Chavo and D-Von behind to wait for their team mates to score a goal.

*     *     *     *

At the top of Mount Royal, Phil Keoghan was standing next to a local man, having just received word that the leading team was on its way. In the distance were two figures on bikes, getting closer all the time. And then, when they were just a few feet away, they threw down their bikes and jumped onto the pit-stop platform.

"Welcome to Montreal," the man greeted them.

Phil looked from one to the other. 

"Team Mysterio," he began. "Congratulations. You're team number one."

"Yeah!" a breathless Rey cried, hugging his partner. "We did it!"

"I hear you had some trouble with the roadblock," Phil commented.

"Oh man," Rey nodded. "That was crazy."

"Well, heads up," Phil told them. "Here comes your nearest competition."

Two more bikes hit the ground and two more people raced to the platform.

"Chris and Kurt. You're team number two."

An absolutely exhausted Kurt gave a relieved sigh. "We made it. We're still in."

"Outta the way, monkeys!" called another voice.

"Chris and Christian," Phil said to them. "You're team number three."  
Jericho looked bewildered. "No, we're number one, baby."

"You're team number three," Phil repeated.

"Uh, no way," Christian argued. "Who beat us? These dorks? You gotta be kidding me."

Phil didn't answer him. Instead, he spoke to all six. "You now have twelve hours of mandatory rest period before you start the next leg. Enjoy yourselves."

 Kurt was hunched over, hands on his knees. "A drink?" he asked Benoit.

"Yeah," was the Canadian's only reply.

*     *     *     *

Having missed all five shots for the second time, an angry Bubba Ray skated over to Jason and eyed him viciously. Concerned, Jason began to skate backwards and away.

"Hey, you can try again. There's other teams before you but not everyone's showed up yet so. . .argh!" he cried as Bubba grabbed him by the jersey.

"D-Von!" Bubba shouted. "Get the table!"

"Stand back! There's a Hurricane coming through!"

Hurricane wasn't completely flawless on skates, but still made his way over to the raging Dudley. 

"Citizen Dudley, you are making a big mistake by attacking this defenceless hockey player. Unhand him at once!"

"Argh!" Bubba roared. The defenceless hockey player had punched him in the head.

"Come on!" Jason shouted, removing his gloves. "You wanna go!"

"Gentlemen!" Hurricane snapped. "Violence is not the answer. . ."

Both Bubba and Jason turned around and pushed him to the ice, then got stuck into each other.

"I'm coming, Hurricane!" Still wearing his normal shoes, Rosey was now on the ice. 

And that was just the distraction Eddie Guerrero needed to loop around and score a goal. Lying, cheating and stealing, once again.

*     *     *     *

"Make your way to the home of Canadiens everywhere," Test read, once he and Stacy finally arrived at the Humour Museum, having had to call for another cab. "Back in the cab, bitch. If that means hockey this ain't over yet."

*     *     *     *

"Welcome to Montreal." The next team received their greeting.

"Thank you," Steven replied. "And can I say, you have the best bugs I've ever tasted."

Phil gave them a worried frown before he spoke. "Victoria and Steven. You're team number four."

*     *     *     *

"Come on, Tommy!" Rob urged his team-mate on as they frantically pedalled their bikes. "Nidia might be right behind us."

At that, Tommy put on a burst of speed.

"I see Phil!" he announced. "Let's make a run for it."

The two of them climbed off their bikes and raced for the platform.

"Welcome to Montreal."

"Tommy and Rob. You're team number five."

"Yeah!" Rob high-fived his partner. "So now what do we do?"  
"Make sure Nidia doesn't find us, that's what," Tommy told him and they were on the run again.

*     *     *     *

"This time, Brock, this time!" Heyman boomed.

Brock may have been an elite athlete, but he was far too top-heavy to be a skater. Whenever he tried to shoot the puck, he lost his footing and fell, much to the delight of the other teams still awaiting success. 

This time, though, he was determined to succeed.

Wham-wham-

"Arghhh!" Bam!

"That's okay, Brock, that was two shots, one more than last time."

"Ha-ha-ha-ha!" A newly arrived Test laughed loudly. "My sister can shoot better then that. Watch this, Lesnar."

"Not so fast, son," Stone Cold argued, stepping out in front of him and onto the ice.

"A Texan in ice skates," Test noted. "After you, boss."

"Don't miss, Steve," Eric ordered. "Again."  
Stone Cold fixed his icy blue eyes on Jason. Not long ago he'd been picking the kid up off the ice after a brutal 3-D. Now, though, Jason was his direct opponent. Weakened from the fight, Jason had allowed through goals from Jamie Noble, Bubba Ray Dudley, Billy Kidman, Lance Storm, Triple H, Faarooq and even the Hurricane, but something both Austin and Brock had noticed was that you had to shoot straight to score a goal.

"This time, you mealy-mouthed sum'bitch," Austin muttered. And then he began to shoot.

Wham-wham-wham-pause-wham-wham.

Sure enough, Jason had moved too early for the fourth shot and it went sailing into the net.

"Ha!" Austin cheered. "Texas smarts win out again. Bischoff, you sum'bitch, we're movin' on."

*     *     *     *

"Dammit, Steph, would you just run!" Triple H cried.

"I'm trying, Hunter."

"Yeah, well try harder."

"Afternoon, ladies," Bradshaw called as he and Faarooq ran past them.

"Bradshaw, you come back here!" Stephanie ordered. "I mean it. I won't let you beat me. . .I'll fire you!"

*     *     *     *

"Vince and Shane. You're the sixth team to arrive."

"We did it, dad," Shane smiled, hugging his father.

"However. . ." Phil went on and the McMahons turned back to him in surprise. ". . .You failed to follow the race instructions, which clearly said that you were to drive yourselves from Greenwich to New York City. As a result, you've been penalized one hour. You'll have to hope that some teams take longer than an hour to arrive, or you'll be eliminated."

"What?" Vince cried. "Prove that we cheated. I dare you."

"We have footage of you boarding a plane in Greenwich and disembarking at La Guardia airport," Phil told him. "I'm sorry, but the penalty will stand. All you can do now is hope."

*    *     *     *

Minutes ticked past. Eddie and Chavo were the next team to arrive, followed by Jamie and Nidia, Kidman and Torrie, and Bubba and D-Von. When Lance Storm and Dawn Marie came in and were declared as team number ten, half the teams had reached the pit-stop and there was more than half an hour to go before Vince and Shane's penalty had elapsed. They weren't safe, not by any stretch of the imagination.

*     *     *     *

Wham! The instant Brock's stick connected with the puck, he slipped and fell on the ice again.

"Dammit!" he roared, picking himself up.

Suddenly, he noticed Chad Kilger skating towards him.

"What?" he snapped.

"Congratulations," Kilger replied. "Here's your next clue."

"I got it in?" Brock asked dumbly.

"Come on, Brock!" Heyman cried. "We're not last!"

In the sidelines, Lita turned to Molly. "Well, Miss Molly, it's just the Canadian girls to go. Between you and me, you don't stand a chance."

"We'll see about that," Molly snapped. "We'll see."

*     *     *     *

Faarooq and Bradshaw reached the pit-stop. So did Hunter and Stephanie, Hurricane and Rosey, Stone Cold and Bischoff, and Test and Stacy. There was ten minutes to go when another team came into view.

"Welcome to Montreal."

"Matt and Shannon. You're the seventeenth team to arrive, but because of a penalty given to Vince and Shane, you move up to sixteenth. Congratulations, you're still in the race."

*     *     *     *

"I can't do this, Brock," Paul groaned. "I haven't ridden a bike since I was in short pants."

"Ride, Paul."

"I can't."

"You don't wanna be beat by a bunch of women, do you?"  
"No."

"Then ride!"

*     *     *     *

Two teams dumped their bikes and race for the pit stop, almost neck and neck. They jostled for position and ended up landing on the platform together.

"Welcome to Montreal."

"Trish and Lita, Molly and Gail, you're the eighteenth and nineteenth teams to arrive," Phil informed them. "But, because of a penalty given to Vince and Shane, you move up to seventeenth and eighteenth. Congratulations, you're still in the race."

Lita hugged her partner, but stared at the other women over Trish's shoulders.

"Next leg, girls. We're gonna kick your ass!"  
Molly nodded smugly. "Next leg."

"Bring it on," Gail added.

And still the time ticked past.

Finally, the last team cycled into view. Their bikes went down and one team member grabbed the other, hoisting him onto his shoulders to run the rest of the way to the platform.

"Welcome to Montreal."

"Brock and Paul," Phil began. "You're the last team to arrive. I have to tell you that Vince and Shane were given a penalty for not following route instructions, however it wasn't enough for your team to catch up. I'm sorry to inform you, you've both ben eliminated from the race."

Brock let out a roar.

"Brock, wait," Heyman pleaded. "What are you doing, Brock? Brock, no!"

Wham! Heyman hit the ground in a huge F-5. Brock stood over him, face red with fury.

"Guess what, Paul? You're fired!"

"Yeah?" Heyman asked weakly. "Well, you suck at hockey."

Brock gave a low laugh, then picked Heyman up and F-5ed him again.

END OF EPISODE

On the next Amazing Race: Will Team Mysterio be able to maintain their lead, and will recognition from other teams reveal the identity of Rey's team-mate? Who will win the battle of the babes as the two all-girl teams attempt to catch the leaders? And will Vince and Shane be able to lift themselves out of last place? One team will be eliminated, who will it be? Find out in the next chapter of 'Race Around The WWE.'

A/N: I hope you guys liked that. Please review me, even if only to let me know who you'd like to see win and who should be eliminated next. I've planned out the basics of each leg of the race, but it's flexible and depends what I can find in guidebooks. Anyway – please review me!!! Oh, and by the way, this chapter goes out to Tecty – thank you for your help! Hope you liked it.


	2. Chapter 2: 101 Uses for Ice

Rating: PG-13 for implied m/f sex, drug use, violence, some language and adult themes.

A/N: Thanks for the feedback, guys! It always means so much to me to hear from people, whether or not they've read my stuff before. Big shout out to Azrael – I'm so glad you read it and you like it so far – yes, they will go to Australia – it's the only chapter I don't have to research! ;-P Thank you too to my unofficial sponsors – Lonely Planet Guidebooks and the wonderful staff at Borders Books, who let me sit in their store for hours on end, reading the aforementioned books. It does take a lot of research to write this – but tell you what, it's bloody fun! Hope you all like this chapter, too. It's the one where I begin to introduce the team nicknames (if you watch 'The Amazing Race' you'll know what I mean). Any suggestions for nicknames are welcome!

This one has a few OCs included, but only one is named – I named him after Alex, the nicest guy in the entire world (and if you disagree, you obviously haven't met him ;-P   )

Oh and sorry for the delay – as you can see it's a long one and I'm just finishing my degree so don't have much time to write. In four weeks I'll be done but I hope to have the next chapter done by then.

CHAPTER TWO: 101 Uses For Ice

Nineteen teams in Montreal, Quebec, Canada awaited the start of the second leg of their race around the world. After arriving at the chalet at the top of Mount Royal, each team had to undertake a mandatory twelve hour rest period, to eat, sleep, socialize with other teams and prepare themselves for the race ahead. 

Team Mysterio, the first team to arrive at 5:07 PM, were the first to depart at 5:07 AM. With the sun not due to rise for at least another hour, the cameras and staging in front of the chalet barely gave enough light to read by, but Rey did his best, tearing open the first clue and squinting at the words.

"_Go north to the __USA__. Make your way to. . ."_

*     *     *     *

". . ._Anchorage, Alaska," Kurt Angle read as he and Chris Benoit departed just two minutes after Team Mysterio. "__And find out what happens when an earthquake hits. . ."_

*    *     *     *

"_You have three thousand dollars for this leg of the race," Chris Jericho announced, handing the cash to Christian so it could be counted. "Three thousand American?"  
"Three thousand, US," Christian confirmed. "But if we catch those masked morons, we can mug 'em, then we'll have six grand."_

"I like the way you think, junior," Jericho grinned. "Now, where are those bikes?"  
Christian searched briefly before throwing his hands up. "They're gone, dude. I guess we have to run."

*     *     *    *

"This way," Benoit suggested as he and Kurt reached a fork in the path.

"But that's not the way we came up," Kurt protested.

"No, but there's still a long way to street level, and if we take this chance, we could hit the front."

Kurt hesitated a moment longer. "Okay. We'll do it. But only because the last team's more than an hour behind."

They took off down the second path.

"Was that the technicals?" Jericho asked as he and Christian reached the fork and turned down the other way.

"Yeah, losers," Christian scoffed. "So much for them."

*     *     *     *

"Look for a street name and a phone," Benoit ordered as he and Kurt ran.

"Remembrance," Kurt called out, spotting a sign. "We're on Remembrance."

"Great, now let's find somewhere we can call for a cab."

"There's more lights over there," Kurt announced. "Let's keep running. I've got a real good feeling about this, Benoit."

And that was when they heard the siren.

Illuminated in the headlights of the police car, the two of them came to a stop and exchanged nervous glances. They'd just been caught running through the streets of a strange town at a quarter after five in the morning. It couldn't possibly look good.

"You talk," Kurt told Benoit. "And talk in French. Whatever you can do to get us moving again."

The policeman in the passenger seat rolled down his window. "What is going on here?"

Benoit looked at Kurt, then back at the police officer and told him that they were filming a TV show (hence the camera following them) and that they were in a race for a million dollars.

The policeman took it in and nodded slowly. "This television show – is it Quebec Broadcasting?"

"No," Benoit replied, still in French. "United States. CBS. I think it's syndicated world-wide."

"Okay, and if you win the race, you get a million dollars?" the officer asked.

"Right."

"Okay. And where do you have to go for this race?"  
"Right now?" Benoit asked. "The airport. We're headed for Alaska. This race goes right around the world."  
"The airport, you say?" the officer confirmed., "Get in the car. We will drive you."

Benoit turned to Kurt. "They're offering us a ride."

"You're kidding, right?" Kurt cried, stunned.

The officer laughed. "No, not kidding," he said in English. "It's a quiet night. We take you to the airport, we get you off the streets, we do our jobs – and maybe help you win your race."

"Well, gee, thanks, officers," Kurt grinned. "This is real swell of you."

"Kurt," Benoit called. "Get in the car."

*     *     *     *

Victoria wasn't really listening as Steven read the clue. She'd arranged the three thousand dollars into a fan and was concentrating on it as she waved it in front of her face. When Steven grabbed her by the arm and started running, she almost dropped the clue, but managed to hold on and straighten the notes before handing them back to Steven.

"You like ice, right, baby girl?" Steven asked her as they ran.

"I love ice," Victoria gushed. "It's so versatile. You can fix an injury. . .and everything tastes better with ice."

"I'm glad, Vic," Steven told her. "'Cause we're going somewhere with lots of ice."

"Good," Victoria nodded. "Ice is perfect. I use it to freeze things I find on the road. And someday, once I learn how, I'll turn them back into squirrels again."

"You'll do it, baby," Steven stated. "I have faith in you."

"Thank you, Stevie. And you know something else you can do with ice?"

*     *     *     *

"Dude, look," Christian called, pointing down the dimly lit road. "Is that a cab?"  
"Only one way to find out," Jericho replied, extending his arm. "Taxi!"

The car pulled to a stop next to them and they climbed in. The driver began talking to them in French, but Jericho quickly cut him off and demanded he speak English.

"I was saying you are lucky I could stop," the driver announced. "My fare just cancelled. Where do you want to go?"  
"The airport," Jericho replied. "We gotta be on a flight to the States now, if not sooner. You hearing me, junior?"  
"To the United States," the driver mused. "Then you want Dorval. It should not take too long."

"Well, take your best time and halve it," Jericho suggested. "That's what we need from you."

*     *     *     *

"A hotel – finally!" Rey cheered, sprinting the last few yards and pushing the door open.

His partner approached the clerk, pulling out a little bit of money.

"Hi, can you please call us a cab?" he asked, laying out a five. "That's for your trouble."

"Thank you," the man at the desk replied, picking up the phone and speaking in French to whoever answered.

"We'll wait outside," Rey suggested and he and his partner headed for the door again.

*     *     *     *

"Farewell and good luck in your race," the driver of the police car said as he pulled up right at the entrance to the international airport.

"Thanks, guys," Kurt grinned. "You really are Montreal's finest. But can you put the siren on, just one more time?"

Seconds later, he and Benoit were almost deafened by the blaring siren. Kurt chuckled, shouldering his backpack and shutting the car door. "I love that!"

He waved as the policemen drove of, then turned around to find Benoit eyeing him impatiently.

"Care to get your ass moving?" the Canadian asked pointedly.

"Lighten up, Benoit," Kurt replied as they entered the terminal. "We're so far ahead, Phil might as well give us the million right now. We took the shortcut coming down the mountain, we had the cops drive us here – I'm surprised the airport's even open yet. Face it, Chris," he went on, draping his arm around Benoit's neck. "This race is ours."  
Benoit glared at Kurt's arm and then at Kurt. "Get your damn arm off me," he growled. "And let's get in line. Maybe the other teams are working out exactly *how* they're gonna get to Alaska, instead of just standing around and gloating."

Kurt gave him a quirky look. "Uh, Benoit, I think they're going by plane. It's a little far to walk."

*     *     *    *

"Fly to Anchorage, Alaska," Rob read. "Dude, I didn't bring my thermal underwear."

"Don't worry," Tommy replied, tucking the three thousand dollars into a hidden pocket of his jacket. "You can borrow mine."

Rob gave him a worried look, but Tommy just laughed. "We're team number five, RVD. Let's blast through those others, ECW style."

*     *    *    *

"Dudette, I need two tickets to Anchorage, Alaska, leaving right away," Christian said impatiently, looking around the airport check-in area for any sign of the other teams.

"Our airline doesn't service Alaska directly," the clerk replied. "However, I can tell you that I just sold some tickets to Anchorage via Cincinnati and Salt Lake City."

"You did?" Christian frowned. "Who to? Lemme guess – two freaks in masks?"  
"No," the clerk frowned. "But it was two men. One spoke French and the other didn't."

"The technicals," Christian muttered. "Get me on the same flight as them. Two tickets, like I said."

He waited for the clerk to process the boarding passes, then paid for the tickets and went to find Jericho, who was raiding the vending machines.

"I got good news and bad news," he announced. "Good news is we're on the first plane out of this French asylum. Bad news is the technicals are too."

Jericho nearly choked on the candy bar he'd been trying to wolf down in one go. "How'd they get here so fast? We saw them hightailing it into the woods for a true display of mat wrestling."

Christian shrugged, exchanging Jericho's boarding pass for a Snickers. "I dunno, but they're here."

"What about Mysterio and his not-so-mini me?" Jericho asked.

"Dunno, dude. The girl hadn't seen them and I think you'd notice two freaks in masks."

Jericho nodded, peering down to read his boarding pass. 

"What?" he cried. "We're stopping in Cincinnati?"  
"Oh yeah, that was the other bad news," Christian told him. "We're stopping in Cincinnati. . .and Utah."

Jericho cringed. "Tremendous. Cincinnati, then Utah, then Alaska. We're officially on a plane ride to hell."

*     *     *     *

"We'll take this shortcut, baby, get ourselves to the airport, then we can start dreamin' up ways we're gonna spend that million dollars," Jamie Noble said gleefully as he and Nidia reached the fork in the path. They could still hear Eddie and Chavo ahead to their left, meaning the Guerreros had chosen the same path as yesterday.

"If you think it's gonna get us there faster," Nidia told him, her legs pumping as she ran. "I'm already dreaming of that million. Your aunt's inheritance will be like nothing. We're gonna have the nicest home in the trailer park – no – in *all* the trailer parks."

"Ah, that's it, Nidia," Jamie encouraged her. "You just keep on thinkin' 'bout that, keep on runnin'."

"Wait a minute," Nidia hissed. "Shush. I hear something. You hear that? Someone's right behind us."

"Oh baby, that don't matter," Jamie replied, just as loudly as before. "It's probably just someone from the race thinkin' they can ketch us."

"Jamie! Nidia!" a voice shouted. "Is that you?"

"It's Torrie!" Nidia cried. "Come on, Jamie. We have to wait for her."

"Hi guys," a breathless Torrie greeted them as she and Kidman caught up. She looked ahead, still in almost total darkness and found that they'd reached street level. "Oh, you found a shortcut."

"Yup, sure did," Jamie agreed. "But I don't see no taxicab. Now what do we do?"

"We should look for somewhere we can call for one," Kidman piped up.

Jamie turned to him with a grin. "That's a great idea, boy. I can see you'll be the smarts of this here team."

"How 'bout it, Torrie?" Nidia asked. "You wanna join up teams?"

"Sure," Torrie nodded. "We were gonna do that last time, only we split at the detour."

"Well you, miss high and mighty's the one who didn't wanna eat no bugs," Jamie reminded her.

"I'm glad I didn't," Torrie replied. "And I hope now that's over I don't have to eat anything gross the whole rest of this race."

"Found a phone!" called Billy, who'd run on ahead.

They were on their way, but so too were Benoit, Kurt, Christian and Jericho, as their plane left Dorval airport, bound for Cincinnati, Ohio.

*     *     *     *

Having arrived at the airport a good ten minutes earlier, Team Mysterio finally reached the Delta Airlines check-in desk. But before Rey could even open his mouth, the clerk cut him off.

"I'm sorry. You've missed your flight."

"What?" a puzzled Rey asked.

"The two blonde men who were looking for you caught the six o'clock flight to Cincinnati," she explained. "It just took off."

"Blonde men," Rey repeated. "Chris and Christian. Okay, well I need two tickets to. . ."

"Anchorage, Alaska," the clerk finished for him, running it through the computer. "The next connection won't get you in until late tonight. Your friends will be there early afternoon."

"So you think I'd do better with another airline?" Rey asked.

"Professionally, no. Personally, yes."

"Okay," Rey nodded. "Thanks." He quickly headed over to his partner. "Another airline, man. They had a flight, but we missed it. Only thing is, Chris and Christian didn't. We lost our lead."

His partner shrugged. "We can always catch it up in Alaska. Wanna try Northwest?"

"Yeah," Rey agreed.

They moved to the Northwest area to find that Victoria and Steven were already there.

"Or sometimes, if it's the right kind of ice, it can burn," Victoria was saying. 

"You're right, Vic," Steven nodded. "Ice very well may be the most underrated substance on earth."

*     *     *     *

By six-ten, sixteen teams had left the chalet. The next team to depart was Matt and Shannon, who stood on the platform, waiting for their cue to leave.

"I don't want a repeat of yesterday," Matt stated. "If the girls had beaten us, I'd never hear the end of it."

"You know, we could wait for Lita and Trish and work together," Shannon pointed out.

Matt gave him an incredulous look. "If we wait, that brings us down to their level. Some team's gonna be eliminated this leg, Shannon, and I'm not gonna let that team be us. Can you imagine what a million dollars could do for the following of Mattitude? We could put ads on TV, hold rallies. . ."

"Matt," Shannon cut in.

"Hold on, Shannon, I'm not finished. We could buy simultaneous satellite broadcasts to spread Mattitude right across the globe. . ."

"Matt. . ."

"Shannon, shut up."

"But Matt, they just said we can get our clue now."

Matt raised his eyebrows. "I knew that." He tore open the clue and began to read. "Oh man, don't those guys listen to anything? That was a Matt fact."

"What was?" Shannon frowned.

"Matt is annoyed by snow and ice," Matt recited. "Number one MFer, we're going to Alaska."

*     *     *     *

"Two tickets to Alaska – Anchorage," requested Rob as Tommy stood by his side.

"We don't fly there directly," the clerk told him. "But I've just sold some tickets via Minneapolis-St Paul."

"Yeah, two of those," Rob nodded. "We just gotta get to Alaska." He handed over some money.

"Yeah, you're not the only ones," the clerk noted, processing the request. "Your flight departs at 8:10AM, non-stop to Minneapolis-St Paul, where you'll have to change planes, finally arriving in Anchorage, Alaska at 2:41PM local time."

"Sounds good," Rob smiled. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," the clerk replied. "And thank you for flying Northwest Airlines."

*     *     *     *

"Hey, thanks man," Faarooq called as a cab stopped for him and Bradshaw. "We need to be at the airport fast. You got that?"  
"I got it," the driver replied and floored it.

*     *     *     *

"That's all well and good, dad, but all the strategy in the world's not gonna save us if we try and cheat again," Shane pointed out as he and Vince finally made their way down the path, the last of the teams to depart. 

"Shane," Vince frowned. "What exactly are you implying?"  
Shane sighed. "I know you, dad. I know how you think. You hate being last. And that means you're gonna do anything to get back up there, whether it's legal or not."

"Shane, when have I let you down?"

"Oh, how many times, dad?" Shane muttered. "But, whatever, I'll tell you right now. If you try to cheat, if you try to even bend the rules, they're gonna know. They have spies everywhere, cameras following our every move. If I'm gonna be your teammate in this, I'm gonna give my all for the prize. If you're gonna screw us over by trying to cheat, I might as well quit right now, because I'm not gonna be a part of that."

"Shane, just trust me," Vince called, struggling to talk and run at the same time. "We'll play this right up the middle. No cheating, no bending the rules. You have my word."

"That's the problem, dad," Shane mumbled under his breath. :I know how much your word is worth."

*     *     *     *

"What do you mean the plane's full?" Stephanie cried.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but we've had a run on tickets this morning. . ."

"Yes, you're very sorry," Stephanie snapped snidely. "Because you don't seem to understand. It's vital that me and my. . ." She glanced briefly at Hunter. ". . .Husband reach Alaska immediately."

"Well, you're not the only ones. We've had a steady stream of people heading to Alaska since six o'clock this morning."

"Well, I'm different to them," Stephanie argued. "I don't know why they're all trying to get to Alaska, but I have a true reason – a family reason."

The clerk hit a few keys on the computer. "Well, I could book you on the flight from Minneapolis to Anchorage, but it's getting you on the flight to Minneapolis that isn't possible."  
"Are you sure?" Stephanie persisted.

"I could put you on standby," the clerk told her.

"Well, that doesn't really cut it," Stephanie snapped, before backing off. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just tense. You see, this is all so fast. I had a call this morning that my father in Alaska has suffered a heart attack. They – they don't know if he'll make it. My husband and I can't even really afford to fly, but I've raided my bank account for this trip. So you see, it's extremely important that I be by my father's side as soon as possible."

The clerk stared at her sympathetically. "Okay, here's what I'll do. There are some business class tickets available. I'll sell you standby coach class tickers not, but thirty minutes before takeoff, I'll have you paged to upgrade, supposing these last business class tickets aren't sold before then. If your passports and documentation are in order, you should have time to make the flight."

"Thank you so much!" Stephanie gushed. "You don't know how much this means to me!"  
  


*     *     *     *

The next three teams to arrive at the Northwest desk were all told the same thing – the plane was full, but they could purchase standby tickets.

Matt stood anxiously in line, watching as Test and Stacy were turned away.

"Test!" he called as the tall Canadian started to walk past. "What's going on?"  
"No room on the flight," Test replied abruptly. "Stacy's gonna work her magic and get us on, but you losers got no chance."

"We'll see about that," Matt muttered, looking briefly for Shannon, who'd said he'd go use a phone to find out the soonest flight.

"Arrgh!" he cried as someone attacked him from behind.

"Relax, Sensei," Lita cooed in his ear. "It's just me."

"Oh. Lita," Matt sighed, relaxing. "Don't sneak up like that, I'm trying to think here."

"Well, that'd be a first," Lita teased. "So, are you gonna sit by me on the way to Alaska, or do you and Shannon have important Mattitude business to discuss?"

"Lita," Matt frowned. "Why must you make fun of Mattitude?"

"I'm teasing, Matt, God," Lita sighed.

"Yeah, well this is serious," Matt replied. "It's about a million dollars. Only one team can win. I love you, Lita, but that team's not gonna be you and Trish. It'll be me and Shannon."

"A little bit of friendly competition never hurt anyone," Lita pointed out, taking Matt's hand in hers.

"Matt!" Shannon called, running towards him. "No point lining up. They're full and have four other teams already on standby. We're not getting on that flight, so we should just go and try getting seats at the front for the next flight so we can get out faster."

Matt nodded thoughtfully. "And have you found the next flight?"

"Yeah, 10:25 on USAir."

Matt checked his watch. "Well, I guess we'll go get our tickets, then find a bite somewhere."

"Would you like company?" Lita asked. "I mean, if Shannon's telling the truth, there's no point me and Trish waiting in line either. You and me could spend some quality time together, Matt."

Matt smiled at his beautiful girlfriend. "Okay, baby. But at 10:25 when that next plane takes off, me and Shannon will be on it and from the moment we touch down in Alaska, the race is on."

"Of course," Lita grinned back. "Hey Shannon. Go get Trish. It's a long way to Alaska and I'll sure have a better time if the four of us sit together."

"Me too," Shannon agreed, running to fetch Trish.

"Where are they going?" Gail Kim asked from several places back in line.

"I don't know," Molly shrugged. "But it *is* Matt and Lita. They'd do anything to move up the pack."

"Mmm," nodded Gail. "Anything."

*     *     *     *

"Here we are," the taxi driver announced. "Mirabel Airport."

"Hey, thanks man," Bradshaw nodded, paying him. "And remember, anytime you need protection, we got your back."

"Come on, brother," Faarooq called, handing him his backpack and the two of them headed through the entrance.

Two minutes later, they were back and hailing a cab.

"Taxi! We're at the wrong airport," Bradshaw fumed. "Take us to the other one, where we can actually get a plane back to the States."

"Wrong airport," Faarooq repeated. "Damn."

*     *     *     *

Of the teams who'd missed out on tickets for the second plane, only Matt and Shannon, Trish and Lita, and Vince and Shane had decided to cut their losses and head for the third flight. Five other teams were on standby, anxiously awaiting an announcement that they could, in fact, board the plane.

Stephanie and Hunter were first to be paged, followed by Hurricane and Rosey. 

The other three teams looked around at each other.

"Well, Steve," Bischoff began, placing a hand on his partner's shoulder. "We're next. As soon as that clerk realizes Rosey's ass won't fit in a coach class seat, we're gonna be on that plane instead."

"Eric Bischoff, would you kindly take your hand off my shoulder before I break off your arm and use it to slap you upside the head?" Stone Cold snapped.

Bischoff laughed confidently. "You wouldn't assault me in an airport, Steve. There's too many witnesses. You'd get yourself arrested and I for one am not going to use our race money to bail you out of lockup."

"They're next?" Gail murmured, tilting her head towards Raw's co-GMs.

"I guess," Molly shrugged.

Gail broke into a sinister smile. "Not anymore. I'm gonna grab that guy by the balls." She strode confidently over to Bischoff. "Mr. Bischoff, I need to speak to you."

Bischoff turned to her with a salacious smile and began slowly looking her up and down. "Well, if it isn't the beautiful Gail Kim. What can I do for you, sweetheart?"

"Well, you remember when we came to that. . .agreement about Trish?" Gail asked, running her finger caressingly down Bischoff's nose. "Well, I was hoping that, once you go to get your tickets, you could use your business skills to make sure that me and Molly also get on that plane."

"But Gail," Bischoff began. "Me and Steve don't. . .ah!" he cried as Gail's hand moved to the front of his pants. "I'm. . .uh. . .I'm sure we can come to some. . .uh. . .arrangement."

"That's what I thought," Gail smiled and the two of them disappeared from view.

*     *     *     *

"Paging Mr. Eric Bischoff. Paging Mr. Eric Bischoff. Please report to the Northwest Airlines service desk. Repeat, Mr. Eric Bischoff, please report to the Northwest Airlines service desk."

"Bischoff's here?" Bubba snapped, glancing around warily. He and D-Von had cleared customs and were just minutes from boarding.

"Don't worry about it," Lance Storm called as Dawn Marie gave a cat-like stretch and curled her arm around him. "There aren't any seats left on the flight. Dawn and myself were the last."

D-Von eyed him and Dawn cautiously. "Storm, here's what I wanna know. How does someone like you get someone like her once, let alone more than once?"  
Lance stared back quizzically. "Dawn and myself have simply rekindled our friendship. When the time came to choose a partner for the race, and with my mentor Goldust injured, I could choose no one else."

"You're just friends?" D-Von scoffed. "No, man. Just friends is what Bubba has with Trish. What I see in front of me now, the two of you, well, that's what Bubba *wishes* he had with Trish."

"Shut up, D-Von," Bubba snapped.

"Would both of you just grow up?" Dawn breezed. "Lance is a gentleman, which is far more than I can say for the two of you."

"Know something, Dawn?" Bubba asked her. "We've put broads through tables for saying less than that."

"Bring me a table and I'll dance on it," Dawn told them. "But for now, just relax. We have a long race ahead and I'd personally like to see our two teams plus Rob and Tommy as the final three. Then we can really take this thing to the extreme."

*     *     *     *

"Please, Steve," Stacy said enticingly.

"No," Austin replied firmly. "Sorry, honey, but that airplane ain't leaving without me and that sum'bitch Bischoff."

"But he's not coming back," Stacy pointed out. "He's off somewhere with that little slut Gail Kim."

"Well, the way I figure is last time it took two minutes, so he's due back any moment now."

And that was when the intercom sounded. "Now boarding Northwest Airlines flight 5226 to Minneapolis-St Paul."

Stacy stared pointedly at Austin. "If you don't go now, you won't get all your papers through in time. But me and Test are still waiting. If we take those last tickets, we might still make the plane in time. Please, Steve. It just doesn't make sense for you to wait any longer."

"All right," Austin snapped. "Take the damn tickets."

"Ah, thank you, Steve!" Stacy squeaked, throwing her arms around him and planting her lips on his. "Test! Come on, we have to make the plane."

They dashed off for the desk, hoping they still had time to trade their tickets for boarding passes.

"So, Gail, as I was saying, I'm afraid my hands are tied. There's nothing I can do to get you on that plane."

Austin's ears tuned in on the sound of Bischoff's voice like a hawk spying a field mouse. He began to laugh, low and sadistic.

"What's wrong with you?" Bischoff frowned. "What's so funny?"

"What's funny is I just saw the future," Austin told him, still with a sinister grin. "And you remember touching Stone Cold's shoulder? Well, I call that physical provocation and that means now the Rattlesnake's gonna open up a can of whup-ass."

Bischoff opened his mouth to argue, but realized that Austin meant business. And then he ran.

*     *     *     *

The second plane departed at 8:10 AM, leaving just six teams still in Montreal. These teams had two hours to arrange seats on a plane that left at 10:25 AM, with stopovers at La Guardia and then Denver, Colorado before they'd land in Anchorage at 8:52 PM. Unless one of the earlier teams missed their connecting flights, the eliminated team would most likely come from one of these six – Gail and Molly, Lita and Trish, Eric and Steve, Matt and Shannon, Faarooq and Bradshaw or Shane and Vince. All six successfully boarded the 10:25 plane. The race was on.

*     *     *     *

The second group to take off – those heading to Anchorage via Minneapolis-St Paul – was actually the first to arrive in Alaska at 2:41 PM local time, followed four minutes later by the two teams who'd caught the flight connecting at Cincinnati and Salt Lake City. Thirteen teams raced through the airport and then to the cab stand.

In the rush, someone slammed into Steven Richards, knocking him flying.

"Watch where you're going, idiot!" Victoria growled, bending to help her partner to his feet. 

Eddie Guerrero stopped and turned back. "Victoria? Mamacita, is that you?"

Victoria pointedly ignored him. "Are you okay, Stevie? Do you need me to get some ice?"  
Steven grinned dopily. "We're in Alaska. We can just go outside to find ice."

"Eddie, come on!" Chavo called, but his uncle was still standing there, watching Victoria.

"Mamacita, it's me, Eddie Guerrero. Don't tell me you don't remember me. Hey, I'm sorry I didn't call or nothing or talked to you when we were both on Raw, but it was business, you know?"  
"Of course I remember you," Victoria spat, still not meeting his gaze.

"Eddie, come on, homes, we're getting beat by Stephanie!" Chavo urged him.

"Would you shut up a minute, Chavito!" Eddie snapped. "I am trying to talk to an old friend. Hey, you want we take a taxi together to this earthquake place? Hey, mamacita, homes? Me and Chavo will pay. It's the least we Guerreros can do."

Steven glanced at an obviously anxious Victoria. "I think that's an excellent idea. Now, to the cab stand."

*     *     *     *

"So where's this earthquake place?" Rob asked, leaning back in his seat.

"Earthquake Park," the driver replied. "It's well-known around town."

"Cool," Rob nodded. "So can you get us there before any of these other cabs?"

"I'll do my best."

"Great," Rob grinned. "That's just what I wanted to hear."

*     *     *     *

"Earthquake Park, up here in front of you," a cab driver announced.

"I see the marker, baby!" Jamie Noble cried.

"Okay, Jamie. You pay the man, I'll kick some butt getting over there," Nidia ordered. "But remember, you have to catch up with me."

"Honey baby, I'll always catch you," Jamie grinned.

The cab pulled up and Nidia sprinted for it, but before Jamie had arrived at the route marker, Stephanie and Hunter rushed in to collect their clue, then ran back towards their cab so they could safely read it.

"_Make your way back to the airport and fly to _Fairbanks___. Go to the Avis rental car desk and collect your next clue, plus a set of keys."_

"We're driving somewhere," Stephanie mused.

"You mean *I'm* driving somewhere," Hunter corrected her as they got back into their cab. "Airport again, man. No, Steph, I don't think you've ever driven yourself anywhere in your life. Do you even have a license?"  
"Yes," Stephanie replied testily, crossing her arms over her chesty. "They don't let you do this competition if you can't drive."

"Well, I guess I stand corrected," Hunter replied, just as testily. "Hey, here's one. How about you drive us wherever we have to go?"  
"Fine," Stephanie snapped. "Until the next pitstop, I do the driving."  
  


*     *     *     *

Stephanie and Hunter were the first to arrive back at the airport, with Nidia and Jamie right on their tails.

"Air Alaska!" Stephanie called out. "That's the one."

The line seemed to inch along, but in reality it took them less than five minutes to be served. 

"We need to get to Fairbanks immediately," Stephanie demanded, suddenly taking charge.

"There's a flight leaving in about fifteen minutes," the clerk told her. "Unfortunately, for security reasons, you're too late to board."

"Fifteen minutes – please," Stephanie begged, seeing Jamie and Nidia race off with smiles on their faces. "It's really important." Her eyes began to fill with crocodile tears and she gripped Hunter's hand. "My father has suffered a heart attack and. . .the doctors don't know if he'll make it. I have to be there for him."

"The next flight leaves in an hour," the clerk told her.

"My father may not have that long," Stephanie replied shakily. "My husband and I – we don't have checked baggage – just these backpacks. Please. You have to let us buy those tickets and board that plane. Please."

"Okay, fine," the clerk sighed, taking the money and typing at the computer. "Can I see some photo ID? And remember – you'll have to run."

"Nice work, princess," Hunter muttered. "But if you still have those nail scissors in your bag, we're screwed."

*     *     *     *

Only two teams managed to make the 3:23 flight to Fairbanks, leaving the next eleven teams to tussle it out for the flight due to leave at 4:15. Eleven teams, all trying to make it back to the airport and contest for just a few seats remaining on the flight.

"Okay, so that means we have about forty-five minutes before boarding," Tommy Dreamer commented as he and Rob collected their boarding passes. "Let's go see if we can hunt up a New York Times."

"Yeah," Rob nodded. "Hey, you think they sell comic books here?"  
  


*     *     *     *

"Two coach class tickets on the next flight to Fairbanks," Rey requested, hading over some money.

The transaction went smoothly and their boarding passes were issued.

"We got the next flight, man," Rey told his partner. "We leave at 4:17."

"And what is it now?" his partner asked, realizing he was till on Montreal time.

"Don't worry, man," Rey smiled. "It's only three thirty-five."

"Cool," his partner smiled.

"Hey, Rey-Rey," Called a voice. "Are you on the 4:17?"

"Sure are," Rey answered his often tag team partner, Billy Kidman. "You guys?"  
"Yep," Kidman nodded, but Torrie was eyeing Rey's partner even as the two groups headed onward.

"So, are you going to tell us all who you are yet?" she frowned.

Rey's partner shrugged. "I'm surprised you all haven't figured it out. My voice is pretty obvious in the wrestling business."

"Well, I must never have worked with you," Torrie told him. "Because I really don't know. But it's okay if you want to keep it a secret. I like your mask, anyway."

"Thank you," Rey's partner replied, grinning.

*     *     *     *

"Come on, Chavito, let's get to movin', man," Eddie ordered.

"Well, it was you who said we had to wait for Victoria," Chavo countered.

"Hey, don't criticize me, homes," Eddie snapped. Tell you what, essa, you go do something else, whatever you want and I will wait in line for our tickets, huh?"  
"That's a great idea," Chavo growled back. "Then you can go buy tickets for your girlfriend and everything will be so happy."

Eddie swore at him in Spanish and took his place in line, still muttering about his nephew. And that was when he spotted Lance and Dawn, three places ahead of him in line.

"Here's a good time to be a true Guerrero," he murmured to himself and then began to inch his way up the line. "Perdon, excuse me, sorry homes. Hey! Lance Storm and Dawn Marie!" he cried joyfully, throwing an arm around each of them. "How are you, huh?"  
Dawn glanced over her shoulder. "Eddie, no."

Eddie drew back. "No? Mamacita, no what? I haven't done nothing."

"What Dawn means is no you can't cut in front of us and no we won't buy you tickets," Lance explained. "And for the record, 'haven't done nothing' is a double negative, meaning you have done something."

"Huh?" Eddie frowned, confused, before he shook his head. "Essa homes, I am hurt. You know, that hurts me. Here I am, not doing anything, just saying hello. . ."

"Next, please."

Lance pointedly held Eddie's gaze until Dawn made it to the counter.

Eddie just smiled. "That's okay, essa," he murmured to himself. "I still moved up in the line."

"Next!"  
Eddie stepped over to the clerk who'd called him.

"Hey, homey. I need four coach tickets to Fairbanks on the next flight out of this town, okay?"  
"Okay, that's the 4:17," the young man replied. "Oh, we only have three seats left in coach."

"Only three?" Eddie frowned.

"Yeah," the clerk mused. "In fact, we only have three left on the whole plane. Are you interested?"  
Eddie glanced over his shoulder to find the Dudley Boyz at the back of the line.

"Yeah, homes, yeah. Get me those three tickets."

"Okay. And would you like to book the last person on our next flight at 5:03?"

Eddie thought about it momentarily. "Ah, no thanks, homes. Just three's good. We can leave him behind."  
And with that proclamation he paid for the tickets, collected the boarding passes and headed back to Chavo, Steven and Victoria.

"I've got good news and bad news, okay?" he began, holding up the boarding passes as a buffer between himself and the others. "Victoria, I got you, me and Chavo seats on the next plane. Steven? Sorry, essa, but you have to get your own way there. The plane is all full."  
"What?" Steven snapped.

"Hey, don't get mad with me, essa homes, I did my best, you know? I tried, but there was only three places, so that's me and Chavo and one of you and Victoria. I figured the lady, she has to go first, right?"  
Steven sighed, turning to Victoria. "Well, sweetie, he's right. You should go. I'll catch you up in Fairbanks. Maybe there'll actually be ice up there."

Victoria grabbed for his forearms. "Are you sure, Stevie?"  
Steven nodded. "I'll catch up, Vic. Then we'll show them. We'll show them all."

*     *     *     *

Two minutes after the second flight to Fairbanks took off, the first one was landing at Fairbanks International Airport.

The two teams sprinted for the rental desk, with the taller team of Hunter and Stephanie just edging out Jamie and Nidia. 

"We're Hunter and Stephanie," Hunter announced. "You have some keys for us?"  
The person behind the desk nodded. "Can I see some ID? Okay, your car is in the short term lot. Please sign here, and here you go."

She handed over the key and, more importantly, the clue.

Stephanie and Hunter ran through the airport before they opened the clue.

"_Drive to the North Pole and locate the home of Father Christmas, and your next route marker."_

"Jamie!" Nidia cried after the two of them had read the clue. "We're going to see Santa – the real Santa!"  
"I know, baby, but first we gotta find the old guy," Jamie announced, holding tightly to Nidia's hand as they ran through the airport. At the cab stand, a few drivers were smoking cigarettes outside their cars and Jamie made a beeline for them. "Hey, can you tell us where to find Santa Claus?"

One of the cabbies nodded. "I can take you there."

"No, we gotta drive," Jamie explained. "But I've got five bucks if you tell us the way."

"Okay," the driver agreed. "The place you want is about half an hour from here. If you head south, it's well signposted. You want the Santa Claus House in North Pole."

"Thank you, boy," Jamie smiled, handing over a five. "Let's go, Nidia. Let's find Santa."

*     *     *     *

On the second flight, Eddie had been given the seat across the aisle from Victoria.

"Psst, mamacita!" he called to her, but to no response. "Hey, Victoria. You not talking to me, mami?"  
Frustrated at her lack of response, he turned to the man next to him. "Hey homes, can I use your pen for a minute?"  
He scrawled a message on his (thankfully unused) vomit back and reached across the aisle to drop it in Victoria's lap. The message was simple.

'Why won't you talk to me?'

This time, he didn't have to wait long for a reply. In less than a minute the back was back with an additional message written in angry block letters.

'I HATE YOU.'

*     *     *     *

At 5:03 PM, the third Alaska Airlines flight left Anchorage, with Steven, the Dudley Boyz and Hurricane and Rosey on board. At 5:07, the second plane landed in Fairbanks, around the same time as the first car pulled up at the Santa Claus House in North Pole, Alaska. 

"Do you see it, Hunter?" Stephanie screeched.

A ghostly pale Hunter was gripping his knees tightly and couldn't see a thing.

"Don't worry, I got it!" Stephanie cried, hitting the gas before coming to a screeching halt right next to the route marker. 

"Come on, Hunter!" Stephanie demanded, leaping from the car.

Hunter managed to open the door and tumble out before he threw up on the road. 

"Ugh, Hunter, have you been drinking?"  
"No, you stupid bitch," Hunter snapped. "But I did have to endure your driving. Remind me to never let that happen again."

"I'm not that bad," Stephanie protested, taking the clue envelope and opening it up.

"_Detour. Santa or the trimmings. In a detour, teams must choose from two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In "Santa", teams must line up and have their photo taken with the in-house Santa Claus before finding their next clue printed on the back of the picture. Lining up could take time and they must wait for the picture to develop, but the task is straightforward and predictable. In "trimmings", teams must search the store for a particular bauble with their names on it and exchange it at the checkout counter for their next clue. Teams have the chance to find their clue quickly, but with thousands of baubles in the store, they'll need to hope for more than luck."_

"Let's find the bauble," Stephanie stated.

"You're kidding me," Hunter groaned. "We're the first team. We should just line up and get that picture."

"No," Stephanie replied firmly. "No one takes my picture unless I arrange it. We're searching for the bauble."

"You are one stupid bitch," Hunter muttered, trudging off.

"Where are you going?" Stephanie demanded.

"To park the car. We're not losing this race just because you can't drive a damn rental car so we get our asses towed."

*     *     *     *

Chavo cried out in annoyance as Lance and Dawn ran past him and Eddie, leaving them ahead of just Victoria. She was in no hurry, since she had almost an hour to wait for Steven to catch up.

"Come on, Eddie!" Chavo called. "We're getting beat by all those others."

"Well, just slow down a minute, homes. Chill, relax," Eddie replied calmly. "We'll catch 'em all up later, don't you worry."  
Chavo followed his uncle's gaze and found Victoria, taking in her surroundings and walking shiftily, one hand on her face.

"What's your problem with you and senorita loca anyway, huh?" an exasperated Chavo asked. 

Eddie turned on him. "You're the one who's crazy, man. Vato, you gotta understand. Me and that mamacita, we got history, homes. And she is one hot, smokin' mamacita!"

"Well, what are you saying, Eddie?" Chavo asked pointedly, stopping short to glare right back at his uncle. "You wanna give up on a million dollars just because of some girl when she's not so great anyway?"  
"Shut up, Chavo!" Eddie cried. "You gotta trust me, man. We're not gonna lose from this. But there's something I gotta find out about, okay? I gotta see something, gotta make sure. I'll meet you at the rental desk, okay?"

"Where are you going?" Chavo called as Eddie stormed off in the other direction. "Eddie! Where are you going?"  
  


*      *     *     *

"Well, girl," Jamie grinned, slapping Nidia on the ass. "Guess we gonna go get our picture taken."

"We can put it in our photo album right next to that one of us at the big ball of twine," Nidia agreed excitedly as they headed inside and made their way towards the photo area.

Once they joined the line of children, Nidia suddenly began removing her clothes. 

"Nidia, girl, what you doin' that for?" Jamie laughed. "We ain't at the pit stop just yet."

"I always strip down for diva photo shoots," Nidia explained. "You don't want me to take my clothes off?"  
"Baby girl, I always like seein' you naked," Jamie cheered, slapping her ass again. "One thing's for sure, Nidia. Once Santa gets himself a look at you, he really is gonna be jolly!"  
  


*     *     *     *

"Well, are you proud of yourself, Angle?" Benoit snapped as he looked around at the two other teams still in Anchorage. "When we left Montreal, we were in the lead, but did you stop to think that maybe that wasn't the best flight – that another airline might get us there quicker? No, you just went with the first one you saw and now look. There's at least ten teams ahead of us. Face it, Kurt. You screwed us."

"Hey, I screwed no one!" Kurt protested. "You could've said something too. It wasn't just me."

"Did I or did I not say we should check all the airlines before we bought our tickets?" Benoit asked. "Didn't I say that?"  
"I don't remember you saying that," Kurt argued. "Maybe you just thought you said it."

"Could you both cut your yapping?" Chris Jericho shouted over them. "The king of bling bling is not about to put up with your ricockulousness, either of you."

"Where'd you get that, your word-of-the-day calendar?" Test smirked, inching his arm around the back of Stacy's chair, but she just glared at him, then got to her feet and walked over to sit next to Kurt.

"Hi Kurt, how are you?"  
Kurt's eyes bulged at the unexpected attention. "Oh, hi Stacy. I'm great. . ." he squeaked out, before swallowing. "Uh, I'm great. How about you?"

Stacy smiled seductively and, without waiting for an invitation, climbed into Kurt's lap. "I am just fantastic. I have here two boarding passes – mine and Test's. Would you like to trade with Test? Then you and me could sit by each other – really get to know each other. Maybe you could tell me all about your gold medals. . .okay?"

Kurt smiled dopily. "Sounds. . .uh. . .sounds good, Stacy. Uh, yeah. I'd like that. Sounds good."

*     *     *     *

"So, are you having fun?" Torrie asked as the car she and Kidman had been given left the town of Fairbanks on its way to North Pole.

Kidman smiled, his hands tapping casually on the steering wheel. "Yeah, I am. That circus training was awesome."

"I can't believe I actually did that," Torrie sighed.

"Oh, I had no doubt," Kidman replied seriously, before breaking into an endearing grin.

Torrie found herself grinning back. "Thank you for doing this. I mean, when I found out Billy wouldn't be back in time for the race, I really didn't have anyone else to turn to."

"Always second best, huh?" Kidman murmured thoughtfully. "But hey, you're welcome. It's about time we caught up a little more."

"Yeah," Torrie agreed, reaching out to lay her hand over his on the wheel, just briefly. "It really is."

*     *     *     *

"Gimme a look at the picture, girl," Jamie called, peering over Nidia's shoulder at the newly developed photo. "Oh baby, you look so pretty."

"You think?" Nidia asked.

"Oh yeah, baby, look at you standin' there in your bra and panties. Girl, you're the sexiest little Santa's helper I have ever seen."

"Oh, Jamie, you're my favorite kind of elf," Nidia sighed, throwing her arms around him and moving into a deep kiss.

"Mmm, baby," Jamie murmured against her lips. "Baby, you're so hot, but we gotta read that clue."

"Oh, Jamie," Nidia frowned, pulling away regretfully. "Okay, what's it say?"

Jamie turned the photo over and began to read.

"_Experience __Alaska__'s gold rush. Make your way to Gold Dredge No. 8 and locate your next route marker."_

"Baby, I think we're going digging for gold!" Jamie cheered. "Now all we gotta do is find the place."

*     *     *     *

The fourth plane, this one on Frontier Flying Services, took off from Anchorage at 5:45 PM, just as the leaders of the second group arrived at the Santa Claus house and ran for their detour clues. Tommy and Rob sprinted into the store just as Stephanie's voice rang out. 

"I can't find it! Stop shouting at me, Hunter!"

Eyebrows raised, Tommy glanced at Rob. "Want your picture taken?"  
"Sure," Rob smiled. "I mean I am a pretty photogenic dude."

*     *     *     *

"Uh, I think I wanna go searching," Rey's partner announced, once they'd reached the detour.

"What, you don't want your photo taken?" Rey asked.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm wearing a mask so people can't tell who I am, you know what I mean?"  
Rey nodded. "Okay, I guess we've got some searching to do."

*     *     *     *

"Hey you two," Kidman greeted Lance and Dawn as the two teams met at the route marker. "Talk about old teams reconnecting. You're gonna like this detour – you can get your photo taken together."

"That so?" Lance asked. "Thanks."

"No problem," Kidman nodded. "Let's go, Torrie."

Lance glanced at his partner. "Well, I'm not the most photogenic person in the world, but the camera seems to like you, Dawn."

"Lance, you're gorgeous," Dawn told him, looking up from where she was reading the clue. "But I don't think we should go that way. Either we get our photo done, or we hunt in the store for a Christmas ball with our names on it. Now we can go stand in line behind Torrie and maybe some other teams, or we can go shopping. Let me tell you, Lance, when it comes to finding the right thing in the shortest amount of time, no one's a better shopper than me."

"Well, okay then," Lance nodded. "If you're sure, we'll go shopping."

"I'm sure, Lance," Dawn smiled dazzlingly at him. "Just leave it to me."

She dashed into the main store area, leaving Lance to stare at her before he caught himself and headed to the nearest fully-laden Christmas tree.

"Got it!" Dawn cried moments later.

"Really?" a stunned Lance called back.

"Yep- Lance and Dawn Marie – see?"

A still surprised Lance nodded. "You found it. Now what?"

"We exchange it for our clue," Dawn smiled. "Way ahead of you, Lance." She grabbed for his hand and led him over to the nearest checkout counter.

"Quick, Hunter!" Stephanie called. "Dawn Marie found it over here. Are you looking?"

"I'm looking. It's not here," Hunter snapped.

"Well, maybe they're not in any one place, just over the store," Stephanie postulated.

"Gee, Steph, you think?" Hunter muttered sarcastically. "Forget this – we've been here mote than half an hour and we've found nothing. Let's go get our picture taken."

"No," Stephanie replied forcefully. "It has to be here somewhere. I refuse to give up."

*     *     *     *

"Gold dredge," Dawn repeated, once they had made their way outside and read the new clue. "This is our leg of the race, Lance. First shopping and now something to do with gold. This one's in the bag."

They ran together to their cart and pulled away, just as a head appeared at a car two away from theirs.

"All done, Chavo. No we go get our clue."

"What did you do now?" Chavo asked impatiently. "Not something to do with Victoria?"

"No, not Victoria," Eddie snapped, before breaking into a grin. "You know that sugar I brought in my bag? I didn't bring it to make coffee. Somebody's gonna try to start that car and vato, it's not going anywhere, man."

Chavo laughed. "Eddie! You're back!"

"Chavito, I never went nowhere," Eddie argued. "It's always, once and for all, about la familia. It's about the Guerreros!"

*     *     *     *

"Stevie!" Victoria cried, the instant he appeared in the arrivals area of Fairbanks International Airport.

"Hi honey," Steven grinned, wrapping her up in his arms. "You got me some flowers? Thank you."

"No," Victoria replied, drawing back. "Eddie Guerrero got them for me." She gave an uneasy nod. "You should've taken my place, Stevie. You shouldn't have left me with him. Don't you remember what I told you, Stevie? It's all his fault. All his fault."

"I thought it was Trish's fault," Steven frowned.

"No," Victoria protested, shaking her head frantically. "I wanted to destroy Trish, to rip her pretty little arms off, but it's all Eddie. He wanted to ride the ho train, so he hired me. He called for me a lot when he was having trouble with his fiancée. When they broke up he still called for me. I trusted him. . .and then he stopped calling. And that's when. . .it happened. . .the first time. . .when *she* started talking to me. The others followed afterwards, but she was stronger, she led them. It was all because of Eddie Guerrero. All his fault."

*     *     *     *

"Hey Chavito, I got it, homes."

"Alright, Eddie. Way to go, man," Chavo cheered, running over to his uncle. "Now, let's go trade it for our clue."

But Eddie stayed where he was. "No, man, I didn't find *our* Christmas ball. I got Victoria's."

Chavo's face fell. "What?"  
Eddie held up the bauble. "See? Steven and Victoria. We'll find ours and give this to Victoria once we see her."

"Eddie, are you completely loco?" Chavo cried. "We've gotta look out for ourselves – us – no one else. Soon as we start helping other teams, that gets us behind. . ."

"So we catch up," Eddie argued. "If you're so worried about our team, why don't you go find our Christmas ball, huh, homes? You can't be throwing stones when you're building up that glass house. Eh, Chavito, what have you done for this team?"  
Chavo narrowed his eyes at his uncle. "Okay, we'll keep searching. But once we find it, you're leaving Victoria's, whether she's here or not."

*     *     *     *

"Here, Jamie! Gold Dredge Number 8!" Nidia called excitedly.

Jamie quickly brought the car to a halt and the two of them ran for the route marker and their next clue.

Nidia quickly tore the envelope and began to read.

"It's a roadblock," she announced.

"_A roadblock is a task that can only be completed my one person. In this roadblock, the chosen team member must take the tour and pan for gold. Once they strike it rich with a speck of gold, they can have their find validated by their tour guide, who will give them their next clue."_

"Okay, Nidia girl, you or me?" Jamie questioned.

"I'll do it," Nidia nodded confidently. "You remember that time your cousin Nunzio called me a gold digger? I think this is what he was talking about."

"Dang, girl, I think you could be right about that one," Jamie grinned.

They ran to the entrance, only to find that everything was locked.

:"What, we gotta break in?" Jamie frowned. "I don't wanna be sending you through no tight spaces."

"No, Jamie, look," Nidia called. At the bottom of the clue were further instructions. "_Tours leave every hour from _9:30 AM___ to __3:30 PM__ daily."_

"What time you got now?" Jamie asked.

"Coming up to six PM," Nidia replied despondently.

"Well," Jamie sighed, inching his arm around her shoulders. "Guess we're sleepin' rough tonight, girl, get us at the front of the line come morning."

"That's okay, baby. We've slept outside before,:" Nidia comforted him. "And anyway, we've got a nice lead right now. It might be dark, but it's not time to go to sleep just yet. I can think of a way we can make real good use of our lead."

Jamie grinned right back at her. "Keep on talkin', baby. I'm listening to whatever you got to say."

*     *     *     *

Just as Jamie and Nidia began to settle in for the night, the fourth plane was landing in a different part of Fairbanks. All three teams made a bolt for it, but it was Jericho and Christian who made it to the rental car first and gave their details.

"We better get a good car," Christian was saying. "I'm thinking a monster, gas-guzzling SUV."

"Or a hotted up sports car with dual exhaust," Jericho agreed.

"Here's your clue, and your keys," the lady behind the desk stated. "Can I just get your signatures here?"  
Christian peered down at the paper. "Dodge Neon? That's a chick car! I ain't driving no chick car."

He tossed the keys at Jericho, who caught them and instantly threw them back, as if they were on fire and he feared getting burned. 

"Well, the king of bling bling sure as hell is not gonna be caught dead driving a woman-mobile. What color is it, peacock blue?"

"Yeah, hot pink?" Christian scoffed.

The clerk smiled and pointed to the paper, where the color was clearly written. Purple.

*     *     *     *

"Stephanie," Trish H spat through clenched teeth. "I've already looked there."

"Well, we've looked everywhere else too," Stephanie argued. "It must be here somewhere."

Triple H sighed. "Give up already, Steph. Let's just go get the damn photo."

"No, Hunter, how many times do I have to say no? It's got to be here. . .argh! I found it!"  
"Yeah, right," Hunter muttered.

"No, I did, see?" Stephanie held up a bright red bauble. "Hunter and Stephanie. And it's your fault it took so long, since you did say you already looked here. Now let's go take it to the desk and get out of here – only Jamie and Nidia, Lance and Dawn Marie, Torrie and Billy Kidman, Tommy Dreamer and Rob Van Dam, the Dudley Boyz and Rey Mysterio and. . .whoever his partner is are ahead of us."

"Geez, Steph, you're keeping track of all that?" Hunter accused.

"Of course I'm keeping track," Stephanie replied incredulously. "Haven't you ever heard of the phrase 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer?' I'm all about that idea."

The camera panned to find Hurricane searching through a Christmas tree that was festooned in baubles. 

"Holy wild goose chase, Rosevelt," he called to his partner. "Searching for a bauble in a Christmas store is like searching for a needle in a haystack – what's up with that?"

"Well, do you want to know what I think?" Rosey asked loudly. "As someone with a personal interest in photography, I think that we should find Father Christmas and pose together as three people who bring smiles to the faces of children."

"Rosevelt, your S.H.I.T tuition has served you well," Hurricane stated, clapping the larger man on the back. "I really think you might be on to something here. And perhaps, once we locate the jolly red man, I can make him an honorary superhero."

". . .In training!" Rosey added with a grin.

"Hey, Victoria!" Eddie called from his position just inside the doors. "I've been waiting for you. What's been taking you so long, huh?"  
For the first time, Victoria looked him straight in the eye. "I've been thinking of ways I can destroy you."

Eddie gave her a quirky look. "Mamacita, I know we're in a race right now, but you don't have to get so competitive, you know. We can be working together. See, I've got the ball with your name on it, delivered to you directly from Latino Heat."

"Back off, Guerrero," Steven growled.

"Back off?" Eddie repeated, obviously affronted. "Essa homes, I'm just trying to help you, do a good deed, huh? Maybe later in the race you can have the chance to help us back."

"Don't count on it," Steven snapped, snatching the ball from his hand. "Come on, Victoria. I'll protect you from him. He won't hurt you anymore."

"Eddie, you're as loco as they are," Chavo stated, noticing that his uncle's eyes were still trained on Victoria. 

"Shut up, Chavo, you don't know what's going on, man," Eddie replied absently. "What's wrong with that Steven Richards, huh? What's his problem? I swear, if he wasn't with my Victoria right now, I'd be getting froggy all over his ass!"  
"Well, why don't you keep thinking of that, huh, Eddie?" Chavo suggested sarcastically. "Meanwhile, I'll drive us to the next route marker – but we gotta get in the car first."

"Fine, okay," Eddie replied reluctantly. "Let's go for the car. Let's drive. Is that what you want, Chavito? Will that make you happy?"

By now they were in the parking lot and were headed for their car. And that was when they heard the voice. 

"It won't turn over! I'm trying but it won't work!"  
"Dammit, Stephanie, even the car hates your driving!" Hunter roared back. 

"You're not helping!" Stephanie screeched.

"Well, let me help. Move your ass and I'll drive."

They both got out and had begun to walk around to the opposite sides when another car screeched to a halt next to them and the passenger rolled down his window. "Hey, andelay (sp?), homes. Got car troubles? Guess your car must be diabetic, because it sure don't like a little sugar. Adios, guys!"  
"Eddie Guerrero!" Stephanie screamed. "Damn you!"  
  


*     *     *     *

"Here we are, dude, gold dredge," Rob announced.

Tommy diligently entered the parking lot and found somewhere to leave the car. 

The two of them pulled on their backpacks and ran for the building.

"You see the route marker?" Rob asked.

"Yeah. . .and I see. . .oh Lord," Tommy groaned.

"What is it?" Rob frowned.

"Jamie and Nidia. Just shut up and let's get the clue. Maybe they won't see us."

"Looks like they're pretty busy anyway," Rob commented, but Tommy quickly shut him up with a deadly look. 

They proceeded to collect their clue, and in a hushed voice, Tommy repeated it.

". . ._Tours depart hourly from _9:30 AM___ to __3:30 PM."_

"So that must be why those two are getting busy," Rob guessed. "Got nothing else to do 'til tomorrow."

"Hey, Nidia girl, look who it is!" Jamie exclaimed suddenly.

"Hi Tommy Dreamer," Nidia called seductively.

Tommy exchanged the briefest of glances with Rob and then he bolted for the parking lot.

"Where you going?" Rob shouted.

"To get food!" Tommy cried back. "You stay and hold our place in line."

"While you're at it, can you bring me a sandwich?" Jamie called. "I'm about starved here."

"Jamie," Nidia giggled. "With you and me and Rob Van Dam, we can have the best kind of sandwich right here. Are you interested, Rob?"  
"Nah. But you guys go right ahead," Rob shrugged. "I've got other things I like to do recreationally."

He produced a small bag from his pocket and got to work.

*     *     *     *

"Here it is, Benoit!" Kurt called across the store, just minutes after they'd begun looking.

Benoit ran to join his partner. "Kurt, you damn moron. It says Chris and Christian."

"Oh, well I saw the Chris part. Do you have a marker? Maybe they wouldn't notice if we changed Christian to Kurt."

Benoit wasn't impressed. "Let's just keep looking."

Over in the line for pictures, Stacy and Test counted the minutes that Jericho and Christian took with Santa Claus, obviously wanting their photo to be a true reflection of their perfect looks.

"It's about damn time," Test muttered as they finally emerged.

Jericho waved antagonistically. "Junior, it takes time to look this gorgeous. Maybe you should try spending some time on that equine face of yours."

"Kiss my ass, Jericho," Test scowled.

Jericho responded by making kissy faces and flipping Test off.

"Come on, Test," Stacy called. "Forget them."

"Bitch, you don't tell me what to do," Test cried in a whining tone.

Stacy rolled her eyes. "Let's just get this photo taken." She broke into a smile when she saw the resident Father Christmas. "Hi Santa."

"Ho ho hello," Santa greeted them. "Would you like a picture with Santa?"  
"Sure would," Stacy grinned, stepping over to sit in his lap.

"Ho ho, and what are your names?" Santa asked.

"Well, I'm Stacy and this. . .thing. . .here. . .his friends call him Andrew, but he doesn't have any of those, so everyone just calls him Test."

"Well, Stacy, Santa's so happy to see you. Tell me, have you been a good girl this year?"

"Santa, you should know," Stacy cooed, running her hand over Santa's beard. "I'm always a bad girl."

"Ho ho ho is damn right," Test muttered, glowering at his partner.

And that was when the flash went off. Their picture had been taken.

*     *     *     *

When Lance and Dawn arrived at the Gold Dredge and left their car, they heard the talking and laughter long before they saw the other teams.

". . .So then Jamie got all mad, but then he goes 'It's not you I've been watching, it's you.' And he pointed at Jamie!"

Rob laughed heartily. "You're a stud, Noble. That's all. A stud."

"See Jamie? RVD thinks so too," Nidia giggled, letting her head drop into Jamie's lap. "Hey, wow. You guys see all those stars? That's gotta be the most stars I've ever seen."

"That's a lot of stars, baby," Jamie agreed.

"It's whacked," Rob stated. "Those stars could all fall down and swallow us."

There was silence for a moment and then all three of them burst out laughing.

Having collected their clue, Lance and Dawn approached the group, exchanging a glance at the obviously strange behavior. As they broke eye contact, a small smile played across Dawn's lips.

"Hi everyone."

"Oh wow, look, Jamie!" Nidia called. "More people. It's Lance Storm and Dawn. Ha, Storm and Dawn. That rhymes!"  
"No, it doesn't," Lance muttered, tentatively sniffing the air. "Are you people smoking marijuana?"  
"Nope," Rob blurted, before grinning widely. "We're all done. But I can roll another if you want."

"Thanks Rob, maybe at the pitstop?" Dawn suggested. "Looking at the three of you, me and Lance aren't going to have a problem beating you there."

"Whoa, Dawn, since when did you get so serious?" Rob asked her. "Man, where's Tommy with that food? I'm starved."

"Me too," Nidia murmured. "Lance Storm, do you have any chips?"

"No," Lance sighed, starting to set up camp. "I don't have chips."  
Rob frowned up at him. "I thought you'd changed, man. I thought you weren't boring anymore."

"I know a cure for boredom," Nidia piped up, before Lance could answer. She bounced to her feet and leaped over to Lance, jumping into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist as she kissed him hard on the mouth.

"Yeah, Nidia! That's my girl, you git him!" Jamie cheered her on.

A shocked Dawn Marie looked on, but only for a few moments before she pounced, grabbing Nidia and trying to tear her away from an obviously startled Lance.

"Look, you little whore!" she cried shrilly, fury giving her the strength to more or less throw Nidia at Jamie. "Get back to your own man. This one belongs to me."

And with that proclamation she turned to Lance with fire shining in her eyes, grabbed for him and kissed him passionately. When she surfaced, she was grinning.

"Rob, hold our place in line, okay?"  
And then she took Lance by the arm and led him forcefully towards their car.

"Yea-ah!" Jamie shouted. "You get you some, boy!"

"She can have him," Nidia said graciously. "I got a real man right here. Hey, maybe we can go see if they want company."

"Later, girl," Jamie told her. "This time's just the two of them."

"Okay," Nidia shrugged, climbing back inside the sleeping bag she and Jamie were sharing. "Hey Rob, what you doing?"  
Rob was busily writing with magic marker. He held up what he'd done. 

LANCE + DAWN

"I'm saving their place, like they said," he explained. "I figured after the show we just got, it was the least I could do."

*     *     *     *

For the next two hours, teams continued arriving at the gold dredge and lining up in makeshift camps. Finally, a tow truck arrived back at the Santa Claus House parking lot.

"Get in," the driver called. "I'll give you a ride back to Fairbanks. The rental company's got another car waiting back there."

"Thanks," Hunter nodded, squeezing into the middle seat between the driver and Stephanie. Having endured her constant whining for the last two hours, he was willing to do anything to escape, even chat inanely with a truck driver. Anything.

*     *     *     *

At around 8:52 pm, the final teams touched down in Anchorage and, having cleared Arrivals, raced to the taxi stand.

"Come on, Lita!" Matt called as their teams led the way.

He and Shannon made it to the front car and leaped inside, but just as Lita bent to follow them in, the door slammed shut and the cab sped off.

"Argh, I don't believe that!" Lita cried.

"Simple solution – dump him," Trish replied as they turned to get the next cab. But every car they saw already had someone inside and the line of cabs quickly diminished until there were none left. 

"Did you see if everyone else made it?" Lita asked anxiously, craning her neck to look for an approaching taxi.

"Yeah, they did," Trish replied flatly.

"That's what I thought," Lita nodded, letting her backpack drop to the ground next to her. "Okay, we have two choices here. We're definitely last, so we can wait for the next cab and maybe spend the whole rest of the leg playing catch-up, or we can try our luck with the fast forward.

Trish didn't even need to think. "Fast forward."

Lita retrieved her original stage 2 clue envelope, pulled out the directions for the fast forward and began to read.

"_There is a fast forward available in each leg of the race. The first team to complete the fast forward can then skip all other tasks and proceed directly to the pitstop. However, teams can only use a fast forward once during the race, so must choose the one that will benefit them the most."_

"Well, that's us," Trish commented as Lita read on.

"_Rent a car to be returned in __Fairbanks__ in two days and drive yourselves to the __Denali__ _National Park___. Enter the park and locate the sled dog kennels. Each team member must participate in a designated dogsled 'dry run' in order to collect their fast forward. Good luck."_

"Thanks, Phil," Trish smiled, smiling at her partner. "We can do this, Lita. We might even go from last to first."

"And we get to see some cute dogs," Lita smiled back. 

Trish rolled her eyes. "I swear, you and dogs. But anyway, let's go get a car. . .and a map – unless you know where this park is."

*     *     *     *

Having reached Earthquake Park, Matt read the next clue.

"Fly to Fairbanks?" he cried. "Man, I've spent all today flying. V1 is gonna have blood clots in his legs the size of footballs. That should be my next Matt fact – Matt does not enjoy deep vein thrombosis."

"Well, we can't give up now," Shannon told him.

"Shannon, who said anything about giving up?" Matt asked. "All I know is, next time I see Phil I'm gonna tell him what I think about all this flying – and trust me, it won't be pretty."

*     *     *     *

"What's up with the burritos here, man?" Chavo asked as Eddie (who'd been sent to find food to distract him from Victoria) returned to his nephew and they both began to eat.

"I think we should definitely open a restaurant up here, huh?" Eddie replied. "Aunt Maria can do the cooking and cousin Jose can take the deliveries, just like normal."

"I don't know that there's enough light up here for Jose," Chavo pointed out. "He's not so bright anyway, you know?"

"We can put up a light at the front of the store, like attracts insects," Eddie suggested. "And that way Jose knows where to go back to. We still gotta teach him to read a map, though."

Chavo laughed. "Good old Jose."

But Eddie's attention had been diverted. "Hey, is that Victoria?"  
"Eddie, no," Chavo warned.

"Don't worry, homes. I'll just be a second," Eddie told him, getting to his feet. "I won't desert this team. You can count on me."  
Chavo sighed. "I hope you know what you're doing, uncle," he mumbled to himself. "But I got this real bad feeling that you don't."

"Hi beautiful mamacita," Eddie called, smiling down at Victoria, who was sitting cross-legged, with her legs tucked tightly beneath her.

Steven immediately stood up, arms folded imposingly. "Get out of here."

"Hey know what, essa loco?" Eddie asked him. "I helped you back at the last task. It was taking teams hours and hours to find their balls and I got yours for you. You could be nice to me, you know. All I want is one minute to talk to Victoria. That's all, okay?"  
Steven still glared at him. "One minute. Starting now."  
"Thanks, homes, that's all I wanted," Eddie muttered, dropping to his haunches in front of Victoria. "Hola, mamacita. Tell me, did you like the flowers I got for you?"  
"I don't like flowers," Victoria replied, examining the backs of her hands. "I only get them when Stevie wants a snack."

Eddie gave a puzzled frown, before nodding. "That's cool, mami. I eat strange things sometimes too. That's okay, because I got you something different at the store, something that reminds me of you." He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out something that was tightly wrapped in tissue paper. "Open it, mamacita. See what it is."  
Victoria's face scrunched up as she decided what to do. 

"Here, I'll open it for you," Eddie said, before she could make her choice. He carefully unwrapped the paper and held out the object inside – a tiny, intricately crafted glass angel.

"Here you go, mamacita. This can be your angel, just like you were mine. You saved me from making one big mistake and today you're just as sexy and beautiful and wow, Victoria, 'cita, just like back then."

"Time's up," Steven growled and before Eddie knew what was going on he'd been Steven kicked right on the hand, sending the glass angel flying from his hand until it shattered on the ground below.

Eddie's face slowly scrunched into a scowl. "That's it, homes. You done it now." And then he pounced on Steven, knocking him flying. The two were throwing punches before they even hit the deck.

"You stay away from her!" Steven warned.

"You gonna make me, huh?" Eddie screamed back.

Biting her lip and stepping aside, Victoria just looked on silently.

And then there was the screeching of tyres as a car roared into view.

Eddie looked up and spotted the danger. 

"Victoria!" he cried, diving towards her. His body collided with hers and together they hit the ground and rolled, just as a car burst through right where Victoria had been standing, not stopping until it slammed into, and partway through, a security fence.

Breathing heavily, Eddie peered down at the shadowy form of the woman beneath him.

"Victoria – mamacita, are you okay?"

Victoria's dark eyes were filled with confusion. "I – what happened?"  
"I saw that car – it was headed straight for you," Eddie told her. "I only just got you out the way before it." He hesitated briefly. "Did I hurt you, mami?"

Victoria swallowed. "I'm fine. Get off me."

"Okay, mamacita, but. . ."

"Get off me!" Victoria cried. "Get off me! Get off!"

"Okay, okay," Eddie promised, climbing to his feet. "I'm gone, okay?"

Shaking his head in frustration, he marched over to the driver's side of the car.

"What you think you're doing, man? You nearly killed Victoria!"

And that was when he saw who the driver was. "That's really too bad, Eddie," Stephanie purred coldly. "Because I was aiming for you."

And then Hunter ran in, also directing his anger at Eddie. "Do you realize what I've had to put up with because of that prank, you damn son of a bitch? She won' shut up. For hours and hours she whined and moaned and now she tries to kill us all? This is your fault, Guerrero. I want your ass!"  
  


*     *     *     *

Day had become night. After the commotion of the car crash the teams at Gold Dredge began to settle down for the evening, with sleeping bags and multiple layers of clothing to protect them from the cold. Five other teams boarded the 10:53 PM flight from Anchorage to Fairbanks, while Lita and Trish braved the open road, driving through the night on the way to Denali National Park.

By the time Matt and Shannon arrived at the Santa Claus House it was around 12:45 AM.

"See, Shannon? Told you I knew how to get here," Matt announced.

"Looks pretty dark to me," Shannon commented.

"Don't worry about that. Let's just get the clue."

They ran for the route marker and removed their clue just as the next car pulled up, headlights blazing.

"Another picture with Santa," Matt mused. "I can see it now – by the time my career's through, Santa's gonna have a whole wall filled with pictures – all with Matt Hardy, Version 1."

"You sure we don't want to search for the bauble?" Shannon asked.

Matt gave him a look. "No, Shannon. You see, Santa and I are tight. You'll see when you meet him – the old guy's just one big MFer. Now let's get ourselves back in this race."

"Uh Matt, I don't think it's open."

"Of course it is," Matt replied as Shane and Vince ran past them to the clue box. "You think Santa's work is ever done? All those kids, all those toys."

"Hey turkeys," Shane called suddenly. "Might as well go wait in your car. Store hours are 8 AM to 8 PM."

Shannon frowned up at Matt.

"What? So he shut down for the night. Santa's gotta sleep too."

"Right, Matt, Santa's gotta sleep," Shannon muttered.

"Hold it, Shannon. You disrespecting the Sensei of Mattitude? Shannon?"

*     *     *     *

Having driven for five hours, with each of them taking turns behind the wheel, Trish and Lita finally arrived at the headquarters of Denali National Park just after 2 AM.

"Okay, so now what?" Trish asked, pulling over as Lita turned on the overhead light and checked their map.

"The kennels are right near the Park Headquarters, which is west of here."

"Okay then," Trish nodded, getting the car moving again. "Oh wait. What's this?"

The sign was clear in the headlights. 'No thoroughfare for private vehicles.'

"Does that mean us?" Trish frowned.

"I don't know. I'll check the map again."

Lita switched the light back on while Trish waited, humming along with a CD on the car stereo. She glanced briefly around but found that outside was completely dark, except for the eerie light of their high beams.

"Okay, am I the only one thinking horror movie?"

Lita gave a wry smile as she squinted at the map. "Don't even go there. Aha. Yep, we have to take the bus."

"The bus?" Trish repeated. "And I don't suppose they run at 2AM?"

"I can't find a schedule, but I doubt it," Lita told her. "But hey, we can always walk. It doesn't look that far on the map and we could be there as soon as they open."

"Or we could get a few hours sleep now and catch the first bus in the morning," Trish pointed out.

"Okay, I'm with you," Lita told her. "I am absolutely exhausted."

*     *     *     *

"Eddie, Eddie."

The voice was hushed and silken, almost dream-like. Eddie opened his eyes.

"Arrgh!" he cried instantly, finding himself staring right into a pair of eyes. It was after he'd called out that he realized it was Victoria.

"Hey mamacita, what you doing, huh?" he asked tiredly.

"Eddie," Victoria replied softly. "I know you, Eddie."

"Well. . .I know you too, 'cita. You and me, we're old friends."

"No, Eddie," Victoria replied. "We were never friends."

Before he could reply, she lunged at him, smashing her mouth against his and kissing him possessively.

"I know you, Eddie," she whispered as Eddie struggled to catch his breath. "I know you."

*     *     *     *

Lita and Trish woke to the sound of another vehicle's horn – repeated blasts, over and over.

"What's going on?" Trish groaned from the back seat.

Still in the passenger seat but curled up tightly, Lita stretched, the backs of her hands touching the car's roof. She squinted ahead and found herself staring into a set of headlights. Then the horn stopped and all they could hear was the engine of the other car. 

Moments later a flashlight was shone into the driver's side window.

"Horror movie?" Lita guessed.

But then there was another voice – male and commanding. "National Park night patrol. Could you lower your window please?"

"Lita?" Trish asked nervously.

"Trish, you're on that side," Lita replied.

"Okay." Trish slowly wound down the window enough to see the barely illuminated shape of a uniformed man.

"Hi," she greeted him uncertainly.

"Ma'am, you're parked illegally and I'll have to ask you to move your vehicle," the man told her.

"Oh. . .okay," Trish replied.

"We didn't know where to park," Lita spoke up. "We're in a race and our clue told us to come to the sled dog kennels and take a ride, but we didn't count on getting stuck out here in the middle of the night."

The man digested this information. "You're in a race?" he repeated. 

"Does that sound crazy?" Trish asked him.

"Not at all. In fact, we'd been told about the chance of teams coming by within a forty-eight hour period and we're more or less in the middle of that. Can I see some confirmation, please, so I know you're who we're expecting?"

"Li, pass me the fast forward clue," Trish called, then waited for Lita to retrieve and hand it back.

The man examined it with his flashlight.

"You're the ones. You'll still have to get your car off the road, so follow me and I'll show you where you can park, then I'll drive you over to the kennels. The first show isn't until ten, but I'll see if we can get you on a run as soon as it's light enough to see the way."

"Are you serious?" Lita called.

"Yes ma'am," the park ranger smiled. "And in return, maybe you'll think of us for your next vacation. It might get cold come wintertime, but there's plenty to see out here."

*     *     *     *

An hour later, the sun had risen and Trish and Lita were meeting the sled dogs, the two of them having been safely delivered by ranger Alex. 

"Oh, they're so adorable," Lita cooed and even Trish got into the spirit, finding herself captivated by a dog with bright blue eyes instead of brown. 

"Okay, we're just on ready to go," one of the handlers called. "We'll be taking you each on a short run that will serve as the dogs' warm-up for today. I'll just teach you how to stand, then we'll be ready to go."

"Wait, we're not doing this alone, are we?" Trish asked. 

"No, but you will have to hold on tight and keep your balance, so there is some skill involved."

"Think we can use helmets?" Trish joked.

"You'll be fine," the handler promised them.

He put them through a crash course in mushing and then it was time to start.

"Okay, who's up first?" the handler asked.

"Me," Lita volunteered. "I trust these dogs."

"Great, then step on up."

Much to Trish's relief, Lita was handed a helmet, along with knee and elbow pads. She suited up, then climbed onto the makeshift sled along with the handler.

"Since there's no snow out yet, we have to make do with a cart instead of a sled," he explained. "It doesn't go quite as fast, but this is how we train our dogs before the snow starts. Are you ready?"

"Yeah," Lita nodded, holding him tightly around the waist. "Let's do this."

With a flurry of noise and movement, they took off into the woods. The handler shouted, the dogs barked, trees whooshed past and Lita tried not to scream with exhilaration. All too soon it was over and they were back to where they'd started.

"Nice job," the handler smiled as Lita jumped down.

"That was awesome," Lita cheered, before blowing a kiss to the dog team. "Thanks guys. You're up, Trish. You'll love it."

"Well, it *looks* easy," Trish noted, putting on her equipment. 

"It is. Just hold on," Lita advised her.

Trish climbed up onto the "sled", the handler asked if she was ready and then it was her turn to go hurtling into the woods, the dog team pulling the sled with complete ease. When she returned she jumped down and hugged her teammate. "Now that was cool."

"I know," Lita grinned.

"Here's your next clue," the handler told them, fetching it for them.

"Thank you," Trish smiled, tearing open the envelope.

"_Congratulations, you have completed the fast forward. You may now go directly to Chena __Hot Springs__ Resort, the pitstop for this leg of the race."_

"Ooh, a resort," Lita grinned. "I'm thinking massage."

"Or mud baths," Trish added.

"Need a ride?"

The two women turned to see a smiling Ranger Alex.

"You bet," Trish told him. "We've got some more driving to do."

"Okay, I'll take you back to your car, then," Alex told them. "Great job out there, by the way. You're both naturals."

"Well, Lita is," Trish clarified. "She just loves dogs."

Trish and Alex glanced over their shoulders to find Lita saying goodbye and thank you to each of the dogs in turn.

". . .Goodbye, Aspen. Bye, Beluga. Goodbye, Hogan, and thank you."

Alex laughed. "So, where does this race take you now?" he asked Trish.

"Somewhere called Chena Hot Springs Resort. Do you know it?"

Alex nodded. "North of Fairbanks. After Denali, Chena Springs is one of Alaska's must-sees."

"Cool," Trish smiled. "How long does it take to get there?"

"Driving?" Alex clarified, continuing at Trish's nod. "You're looking at around four hours. Three to Fairbanks and another hour to Chena."

"Four hours," Trish repeated. "So we'll get there around two. I only hope the other teams are slower than that."

*     *     *     *

"Outta the way, you big sum'bitches," Austin called, ducking past Faarooq and Bradshaw as the doors to the Christmas store began to open.

"Snooze you lose, gentlemen," Bischoff added with a smirk.

The two of them spotted the sign for Santa Claus and sprinted for it, only to find it roped off and a sign posted there.

"Father Christmas visits with the children from 9AM daily," Bischoff read. "Damn it."

"Well, what are you waiting for, Bischoff?" Austin snapped. "Get in there and get huntin'."

All five teams were in the store, frantically searching for their Christmas balls.

"Getting our picture taken would've been a whole lot easier than this," Matt commended, turning baubles one by one to search for writing.

"I got one, Matt!" Shannon called suddenly. "Oh wait, it's just Faarooq and Bradshaw's."

"Give me that," Matt hissed.

He took the silver bauble from his MFer and looked around the store. The APA obviously hadn't heard that their bauble had been found, since they were still carefully searching.

Matt ran his fingers over it and then smiled, walking towards some trays of baubles, one of which contained ornaments that were all silver. Scooping some out, he dropped Faarooq and Bradshaw's in there, making sure it was completely covered with other baubles.

"It's not against the rules," he told Shannon. "It's still in the store. I'm just giving us some insurance while we find our own. I'm sick of being in the last few teams and I'm gonna change that right now."

Shannon nodded, before he voiced something that had been bothering him.

"Hey Matt. Where are Trish and Lita?"

Matt just shrugged. "Who cares where they are? I told Lita before that I was in this race to win it. I can't be lookin' out for her all the time."

"Yeah, but shouldn't they be here?" Shannon persisted.

"Maybe, maybe not. For all I know they could be stuck back in Anchorage. That don't matter to us. First we get to the pitstop, then we can start worrying about other teams."

"Ah, I got it!" Gail Kim cried suddenly.

Matt glared at Shannon. "See? You take your eyes off the prize for one second and look what happens. Let's keep searching."

*     *     *     *

A furious Chavo sunk his foot into his uncle's side, causing Eddie to shout out.

"Hey, Chavito, what's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" Chavo cried. "What's wrong with you?" He pointed at the other person sharing Eddie's covers – Victoria. "You don't eat another man's lunch, homes, you gotta know that."

"What I know – homes –" Eddie replied loudly. "Is that I am a Guerrero. I lie, I cheat, I steal and I take back what's mine."

Chavo gave a frustrated shake of his head, turned and began to walk away.

"Hey!" Eddie shouted. "Where you think you're going, Chavo?" When Chavo didn't reply, he wriggled out of his makeshift bed and hurriedly put on his shoes. "Hey, I'm talking to you, Chavito!" he went on, before continuing in Spanish. "Chavo, you talk to me! Come back!" He raced after his nephew, catching him just as they reached their rental car. "Where you going, man?" Eddie asked desperately, grabbing for Chavo's forearms.

Chavo shook his head. "I'm out, man. If you gonna spend this race chasing a crazy girl, I don't have anything for you. If you're not doing this for la familia, then neither am I."

"Chavo, what you talking about?" Eddie cried, hooking an arm around his nephew's neck. "I've told you, man. I'm in this race. I'm doing it for us. Who did the hockey task, huh? Who put the sugar in Stephanie's gas tank? Who found our Christmas ball? It was all me, Chavito. You don't gotta worry about Latino Heat, man. I've got it all covered. Trust me. We're family. We're blood."

Chavo folded his arms. "I don't want to fight with you, Eddie. Soon as we don't get along, this race is as good as over. Just – you promise me the race comes first. Okay, bro? The race comes first."

"You got it, man," Eddie smiled, hugging Chavo tightly. "We're gonna win this. We're gonna have another million. It's all us, Chavito." He glanced at his watch. "Race starts again in an hour. I'll be there. You can count on me, vato." He began to walk away, but Chavo called him back.

"Eddie, wait. I'll do it. I'll do the roadblock. Since you did the last one, it's my turn. So if you wanna steal Steven Richards' woman, you go right ahead, homey, but you gotta be there cheering me on like I did for you, and ready to go soon as I'm done. Okay?"

"You got it," Eddie grinned. "Don't worry."

*     *     *     *

By the time 9:30 approached, Molly and Gail, Steve and Eric, and Vince and Shane had all arrived at the gold dredge; Matt and Shannon were on the road, having finished a photo session with Santa Claus, while Faarooq and Bradshaw were still frantically hunting down their bauble. 

"Okay, teams!" called a voice as a figure appeared at the entrance to the gold dredge. "We are about to open the doors. All of you will need to take a tour, with one from each pair panning for gold. A normal tour lasts two hours. However, we understand how eager you are to get started, so you'll be taken almost directly to the panning area. Having said that, tours still leave hourly and we can only take five teams at once. The first five teams can come with me now. Don't rush – I can see you've made a line, so I'll take you and you, you and you, you and you, you and you, and you and you."

Jamie and Nidia, Rob and Tommy, Lance and Dawn, Kidman and Torrie, and Team Mysterio collected their backpacks and entered the gold dredge. Their guide gave them the condensed version of the tour, then led them to the panning bed. He provided a demonstration and stressed that they shouldn't drop anything but the large stones from their pan, as each allocation was guaranteed to contain at least one gold speck. Then he handed the chosen team members their pans and told them to get started.

Jamie, Rob, Lance, Rey and Torrie formed a cheer squad as their team members shook the pans, letting splashes of water out. Kidman systematically picked out the larger stones, checking them for attached gold specks before discarding them. Tommy also had a system, shaking the pan four times and then searching carefully. But it was Dawn who struck gold first.

"I've got one!" she cried, placing it on her finger, then transferring it to her tube of water. She put her pan down and handed it to the guide, who confirmed that she was successful. He gave her the next clue envelope and she ran back to Lance, took his arm and led him out of the gold dredge. They waited until they were in their car before they opened their clue.

"_Without my 'H' I'm a rapping superstar, but whole I'm a resort of thermodynamic proportions – hot water in the coldest of winters, and also your pitstop for this leg of the race."_

"Rapping superstar?" Lance frowned. 

"John Cena!" Dawn cried triumphantly. 

:"Good, Dawn, but what does the rest mean?"

Dawn shrugged. "We'll find someone to ask, even if it means heading back into town. At least the stores will be open by now."

Lance started the car and drove towards town, stopping at a gas station to fill up, get food and ask for directions. Having paid for a cache of goodies, Dawn met him back at the car.

"Chena Hot Springs, about an hour north," she ordered. "Let's go, Lance. Let's win this leg."

*     *     *     *

By 10:25, Faarooq and Bradshaw had given up on searching and had their photos taken instead. Tommy had struck gold, but the other three were still trying. The next five teams sat back to await their cue to begin.

Eddie was trying to spend time with Victoria while simultaneously avoiding both Steven and Hunter, D-Von was taking his brother through a prayer, Stacy was touching up her nail polish while Test barked at her about what a useless slut she was, and Jericho began to sing.

"Stacy's mom has got it going on, she's all I want and I've waited for so long."

Christian grinned at his partner and joined in. "Stacy can't you see, you're just not the girl for me. . ."

"Shut up!" Stacy cried. "I hate that damn song."

". . .I know it might be wrong, but I'm in love with Stacy's mom."

"Shut up," Stacy scowled.

"Hey!" Test roared as they began a verse. "No one picks on my property but me."

And then a new guide appeared. 

"Next five teams, please follow me."

*     *     *     *

"I did it, Jamie!" Nidia cried. "I struck gold!"

The tour guide confirmed it and gave them their clue. They were followed  just minutes later by Kidman and Torrie, leaving just Team Mysterio at the panning area when the next five teams arrived.

*     *     *     *

"Okay, we're nearly there," Tommy announced, watching his map. "We're either first or second, depending on whether Lance and Dawn Marie worked out the clue as quick as we did."

As they drive, tiny droplets began landing on the windshield. It had started to snow.

"Snow in September," Rob commented. "It's gotta be Alaska."

"We should see a sign any second now," Tommy announced.

"Right there," Rob called, turning into a driveway. "Now we just have to look for Phil."

*     *     *     *

Phil Keoghan stood out the front of the rustic but beautiful Chena Hot Springs Resort with a pretty Inuit girl by his side, awaiting the arrival of the first team.

Two people ran towards him and leaped onto the platform.

"Welcome to Central Alaska," the girl said.

Phil cleared his throat. "Lance and Dawn Marie. Congratulations. You're team number one."

Lance broke into a smile as Dawn threw her arms around him. He seized his opportunity and kissed her full on the mouth.

He broke away, smiling at her coyly.

"Thank you, Phil. Now we go enjoy our rest."

"I bet you will, Lance," Phil agreed. "You're a very lucky man."

But he quickly had to let Lance and Dawn go. He'd just heard that they next team was arriving. They soon appeared, running quickly to the platform.

"Welcome to Central Alaska," the girl greeted them.

"Thank you," they replied.

"Rob and Tommy," Phil began. "You're team number two."

Rob shrugged at his partner. "Pretty damn good. We can always move up next leg."

Tommy nodded. "Can and will."

*     *     *     *

By the time the third group of teams reached the panning area, Team Mysterio, Eddie and Chavo, and Bubba and D-Von had found gold, while Jamie and Nidia, and Kidman and Torrie made it to the pitstop.

"You better find gold soon, bitch!" Test shouted.

"No, she shouldn't," Jericho countered. "She's giving us a nice view of that ass of hers. Come on, Christian!" he cried, before singing. "Stacy's bum has got it going on."

But Test didn't tell him to stop singing. In fact, he was agreeing.

"Yeah, it sure does. And the other side ain't so bad either. Too bad you'll never get to have it like I have."

"Hey CJ!" Christian called. "I'm all done. We're out of here."

"Bye, pop quiz," Jericho grinned at Test before turning back towards the panners. "Hey Stacy, come find me when you finally reach the pitstop. There's an injection of Vitamin C with your name on it, know what I'm saying, baby?"  
Stacy rolled her eyes. "Asshole," she muttered into her pan.

"Is Jericho giving you trouble, Stacy?" Kurt Angle asked from right next to her. "I can do something about that, you know."

Stacy smiled helplessly. "Forget it, Kurt. It's more Test. He can't decide whether he wants to be my pimp, my husband or my dad. Does that make sense?"

"Hey Angle!" Benoit shouted from the sidelines. "Quit flirting and find some gold."

Kurt glanced up at Stacy. "Makes perfect sense to me. . .well, the dad part, anyway."

"What?" Christian's voice screamed.

"Sorry," the guide shrugged. "It's fools gold. I've been working here long enough to know the difference. You'll have to keep going."

"But I dumped out my pan!" Christian protested.

"Well, there's plenty of gold in  the trough itself," the guide told him. "It just might take a little longer to find."

Christian snarled. "You did that on purpose, didn't you, you son of a bitch? You just wanted to see me fail."

"Hey Christian, we going?" Jericho called.

"No," Christian replied angrily. "We're not."

"Is that it?" Stacy murmured to himself, reaching into her pan so the speck she was looking at stuck to her finger. "I think I've found it. Hey tour guide, is this gold?"

The guide took a look. "Sure is. Here's your next clue."

"Argh!" Stacy cried happily.

"Congratulations, Stacy," Kurt smiled.

"Thank you, Kurt," Stacy nodded. "And good luck – I know you'll find some soon."

"Well, gee, thanks," Kurt began, but he was cut off by his own partner.

"Kurt Angle! If you don't go back to finding gold, I'm gonna come down there and beat the hell out of you!"

*     *     *     *

"Look, Stevie!" Victoria cried as they began their drive. "It's snowing! Ice from the sky." She paused abruptly and looked over her shoulder into the backseat. "Well, sometimes it snows here in September. . ."

Steven frowned at her. "It's not *her*, is it, honey bunch?"

"No," Victoria whispered, as though she didn't want to interrupt someone else. "It's Rachel."

"Oh, sweet little Rachel," Steven smiled. "I think I like her best. Say hi for me."

Victoria nodded, although she was concentrating on something else. 

"Because I know it," she said out loud. "Eddie told me."

Steven slammed down on the brake, receiving an angry horn blast as the car behind them rushed by.

When Steven turned to Victoria his face was crimson.

"I'm sick of Eddie Guerrero!" he roared. "You say he caused all your problems but now you're hanging around him, talking about him all the time."

"No, Stevie, I was wrong," Victoria told him. "Eddie didn't make things turn bad – he made me feel better. He's helped us so many times – don't you understand, Stevie? Eddie's not bad. He isn't trying to hurt us. He's trying to help us."

"But honey," Steven muttered through clenched teeth before letting out a sigh. "What does Rachel have to say about Eddie?"

"I don't know," Victoria replied testily. "You scared her away. Don't you see, Stevie?" She stared wistfully out the window. "Where are we? Without Eddie, we're lost."

"We're not lost," Steven snapped. "We just don't know where we're going."

"I know where I'm going," Victoria stated firmly, opening the door. "I'm going to find Eddie."

She let herself out of the car and began walking into the centre of the road. Snow was still lightly falling and she shivered despite her thick jacket as tiny snowflakes melted on the tip of her nose. 

Steven sounded the horn. Beep! "Victoria!" Beep! 

But suddenly he had more to worry about than calling her back to the car. A semi-trailer had come into view and it was headed straight for Victoria.

Victoria stood her ground, staring down the huge vehicle even as its air horn shattered the silence. Honk! Honk! She didn't move.

Steven gave an anguished cry as the truck began braking. It surely couldn't stop in time and if it did, it was likely to jackknife and slam into her anyway. He scrunched his eyes closed and waited, but when he finally dared to look, Victoria was still standing there with the truck now stopped, less than a foot away.

The truck driver shouted at her and again sounded his air horn, but even that didn't faze Victoria, who simply stood and stared. Finally, the driver climbed down.

"What's wrong with you, lady? You don't play chicken with a semi."

Victoria turned to him as though only just realizing he was there. "I wanted you to stop."

"Well, congratulations. I stopped. Now, can you move out the way so I can get started again?"

Victoria's reply was to hold up the object she'd taken with her and hand it to the driver. Only then did she speak. 

"Do you know what this means?"

The driver skimmed over it before reading more carefully. 

"Well, I like rock and roll more than rap, but I think the second part's talking about the hot springs – that's if it's something around Fairbanks. You're headed the right way – forty-five or fifty minutes should get you there."

"Thank you," Victoria nodded.  
"You're welcome. But honey, stay off the road, okay? The next guy might not stop in time."

*     *     *     *

"Was that the psychos?" Test laughed as he and Stacy zoomed past. "What'd they do? Hit that semi? I sure as hell wouldn't trust either of them behind the wheel."

"Would you keep your eyes on the road?" Stacy asked irritably. 

"Sure, if you keep your damn mouth shut," Test snapped.

"If I'd kept my mouth shut you'd still be trying to work out our clue," Stacy told him. "I was the one who said it meant John Cena."

"And how you work that out so damn fast anyway, huh?" Test asked angrily. "Are you screwing that Slim Shady wannabe?"

"Well, he is pretty cute," Stacy smiled. "But no. And anyway, even if I was, why should it worry you? You and me are over. We're beyond over. We're why the hell did that ever happen?"

"I'm just trying to show the world what a huge slut you are," Test told her. "I mean, just in the last two and a half days, look who you've hit on – Phil, that French guy at the circus, Stone Cold, Santa Claus, goddamn Kurt Angle! Face it, Stacy, you're a slut. I bet when we had that delay at the airport and I went to get food, you were down Kurt Angle's pants quicker than he can say 'it's true'. Admit it, Stacy. You're screwing that dork Angle, aren't you?"

"No," Stacy replied, before smiling wistfully. "Well, not yet, anyway. I mean he is something you'll never be and that's a real life Olympic champion, not to mention a multi time WWE champion."

"Yeah?" Test snapped. "That's just to cover for the fact that he's got a tiny dick."

"Well, I don't know about that," Stacy admitted. "But I am willing to do the research."

*     *     *     *

"Team Mysterio, you're team number five."

"Dudley Boyz, you're team number six."

"Eddie and Chavo, you're the seventh team to arrive," Phil began. "However, your sabotage of another team's vehicle constitutes cheating and you are being given a time penalty of one hour."

"What?" Eddie cried. "But Stephanie tried to run down Victoria!"

Phil nodded. "We've reviewed that situation and decided that it too merits a time penalty. However, considering that it had less impact on the race itself, Stephanie and Hunter will receive the lesser penalty of thirty minutes. The good news for your team is that Stephanie and Hunter fail to arrive here within the next thirty minutes, you're safe. Good luck and remember – in this race, it doesn't pay to cheat."

*     *     *     *

"Which just goes to show," Rosey continued. "A fool and his gold are easily parted."

Jericho glowered at him. "Want me to knock you on your big fat ass? That mistake could've happened to anyone."

"Not to my teammate," Hunter commented. "When it comes to gold, no one can tell the difference between real and fake like Stephanie."

"Funny you should say that, Triple H," Jericho muttered, beginning to regain his smirk. "'Cause when it comes to boobs, there's no better chest to point out the difference between real and fake like Stephanie's."

"Okay, CJ, got it for real this time," Christian announced, holding up the clue.

"Tremendous," Jericho grinned. "Hunter – to you and Stephanie, as always, breast of luck. Let's get outta here, Christian."

Their departure left just Rosey and Hurricane, Gail and Molly and Vince and Shane frantically panning for gold, with the final teams to join them in minutes. Each minute longer raised the stakes some more.

*     *     *     *

"Well, hey there, baby," Test grinned at the Inuit girl as he and Stacy made it to the platform.

"Welcome to Central Alaska," she replied calmly.

"Thank you, beautiful," Test nodded. "Maybe you can welcome me to Lower Alaska a little later on."

Stacy gave him a hard shove as Phil cleared his throat.

"Test and Stacy, you're the eighth team to arrive. However, due to a penalty given to the Guerreros, your ranking will change. Congratulations. You're team number seven."

"Alright, number seven," Test smiled, eyeing the Inuit girl again. "Some people say that's a lucky number. Maybe you could help me get lucky a little later on, huh?"

*     *     *     *

"Victoria and Steven, you're team number eight."

"Kurt and Chris, you're team number nine."

"Chris and Christian, you're team number ten."

One by one, as teams reached the pitstop, other teams found gold – Stephanie, then Hurricane, then Molly, Shane McMahon and Eric Bischoff.

Just as Chris and Christian departed the platform to begin their rest period, Phil summoned Eddie and Chavo. Their penalty was almost over.

"So, Eddie, Chavo, have you learned anything from this experience?" Phil asked them.

"Yeah, vato, we learned a lot," Eddie nodded.

"A whole lot," Chavo agreed.

"For example," Eddie began. "We learned that if we wanna lie, cheat or steal, we gotta be more sneaky about it, you know?"

"Yeah, we gotta do it when the camera's not watching us," Chavo added.

"Uh, you guys know the cameras are always watching?" Phil asked them.

"Aw man, it's like Big Brother or something," Eddie moaned.

"And he should know," Chavo stated. "He's got a lot of big brothers."

"Yeah, I do – muchos hermanos," Eddie confirmed. "Hector, Mondo. . ."

"There he is!" shouted a voice. "Eddie Guerrero, we're gonna get you!"

"Man, I gotta go," Eddie stated hurriedly. "Victoria – she's waiting for me. Luego, Phil. Come on, Chavito – vamos!"

Phil turned to the person who'd shouted.

"Welcome to Central Alaska," the girl announced.

"Hunter and Stephanie," Phil began. "You're the twelfth team to arrive. However, due to your dangerous driving and damage to property at one of the check points, we will have to penalize you by half an hour. If the remaining teams arrive within thirty minutes, you're out of the race."

*     *     *     *

Just as Hurricane and Rosey were announced as the official team number twelve, the last two teams at the gold dredge struck gold within minutes of each other, and Molly and Gail pulled up at Chena Hot Springs Resort.

"This is it, Gail," Molly announced solemnly. "We might not be first, but we're so far ahead of Trish and Lita and that's what it's all about."

They ran on, soon spotting the platform and its red and yellow flags.

"What?" Gail cried. "It can't be."

Phil smiled at the two people in front of him. "Trish and Lita, you're team number thirteen."

"I don't believe it," Molly scowled.

Trish heard the voice and glanced over her shoulder. "Hi girls. Glad you could make it."

"Next leg, Trish Stratus," Molly spat. "Next leg."

And it was up to Phil and his offsider to diffuse the situation.

"Welcome to Central Alaska."

"Molly and Gail. You're team number fourteen."

*     *     *     *

Phil called for Hunter and Stephanie to let them know that they were still in the race – as team fifteen. He didn't have much longer to wait for team sixteen. 

Having pulled up in the parking lot at exactly the same time, Bischoff, Austin, Shane and Vince all jostled for position. While they knew they weren't last, every minute was important and when you combined that with the large egos of each man  the stakes were higher still. 

They were neck and neck. . .until Austin ran up beside Vince and gave him a shove, sending him stumbling and giving Austin and Bischoff the start they needed. 

"Take that, you sum'bitch," Austin muttered as he and Bischoff made it to the platform.

"Welcome to Central Alaska."

"Steve and Eric, you're team number sixteen."

"Vince and Shane, you're team number seventeen."

There were just two teams yet to arrive. One of them would still be in the race – the other would be eliminated.

*     *     *     *

"Uh, Matt, I think you just drove past it," Shannon stated tentatively. 

Matt didn't hear him. He was too busy singing along loudly to the music on the stereo.

"Matt!" Shannon cried when it became clear that Matt wasn't stopping. "Matt!"

"Yeah, Shan, what?" Matt asked over the music.

Finally, Shannon reached down to mute the stereo. "We missed where we're supposed to turn like a mile back. I tried to tell you but the music was too loud and you were driving so fast. . ."

"I always drive fast, you know that," Matt snapped, bringing the car to a halt. "A mile back, you said? No problem. We'll be there in no time. Just speak up a little louder when you see it, okay?"

*     *     *     *

Faarooq and Bradshaw pulled into the parking lot, found a space and hurriedly left their car. 

"Well, this is it, brother," Bradshaw sighed, shouldering his backpack and breaking into a run.

"You think we're last?" Faarooq asked him.

"I dunno," Bradshaw shrugged. "If we are, then I'm a little pissed to be done so quick, but it's sure as hell been a kickass ride."

"You bet it has," Faarooq agreed.

*     *     *     *

The penultimate team reached the platform and the Inuit girl smiled at both members.

"Welcome to Central Alaska."

"Thank you," the shorter man smiled back, but the eyes of his partner were trained on Phil.

"What's the verdict?"

Phil also broke into a smile. "Matt and Shannon. You're team numbed eighteen. You're still in the race."

"See, Shannon?" Matt gloated. "What did I tell you? V1 is always gonna be number one!"

"We're not number one," Shannon argued. "In fact, as soon as this leg's over, we'll be dead last."

And Matt rewarded Shannon's astuteness with a clip across the ear.

"Outta the way you two little pissants," Bradshaw ordered as he and Faarooq arrived.

Matt smirked and turned to Phil. "Do you wanna tell them, or should I?"

"Actually," Phil replied. "I'd prefer if you and Shannon went into the resort and caught up with the other teams. For instance, you might like to know that Lita and Trish are currently thirteenth."

"What?" Matt cried. "The girls? How?"

"Well, at least now Lita might not kick your ass for shoving her out of our cab," Shannon announced.

"Uh no, man. You don't know Lita like I do."

He and Shannon walked off, plotting ways they could avoid the two divas, and allowing Phil to focus his full attention on the APA.

"Faarooq and Bradshaw. You're the last team to arrive. I'm sorry to say you've both been eliminated from the race."

Bradshaw turned to his partner with a shrug. "When we took the wrong turn in Montréal we knew we'd be in trouble. It shows you one mistake can screw you every time. Guess will go find us some beers and toast the lucky bastards who manage to win this thing."

"Last on the second part of the race," Faarooq mused. "Damn."

On the next Amazing Race: Alliances have formed, friendships have splintered. Will Los Guerreros and Victoria and Steven manage to work together, or will greed and jealousy be the end of their alliance? And as two teams try to top the girl power of Trish and Lita, will either be successful? One team will be eliminated – who will it be? Find out next time.

A/N: Thanks for reading, guys. I'll try to make the next one shorter, but I'm at the mercy of my muses, who can be very demanding. I started this chapter with the Eddie/Victoria thing planned – never guessing that my Stacy and Kurt muses would develop a thing for one another (and I don't even like Stacy!). So yeah, the team that's eliminated will tend to be the one I can't think of stuff for, but I will be swayed by public opinion – so if there's a team you don't want eliminated yet, let me know. Please review – it makes my muses smile :-)


End file.
